New Love
by The Moofinator
Summary: Set in New Moon. When Bella visits the Cullen house one day in December, she sees a Cullen she thought she would never see again. And when their friendship starts to take some twist and turn, how will the two end up.
1. The House

Xx**BPOV**xX

I took the keys out of the ignition of my truck. I sat in silence as I stared at the site before me.

It was the first of December, so it was snowing lightly. There sat the Cullen household, vacant, empty and lonely. I didn't bother to get out of the cab of the truck. I knew that I needed to take this one step at a time.

I breathed in the cold winter air as I stepped out of the truck, never taking my eyes off of the huge house. I tried not to think of the memories that this place held. I tried not to let the pain resurface. I tried to be strong and independent. I stood there, debating if I should go in or not. If I do go in, I will break down once again, remembering _him. _If I don't, then I will regret not being strong enough or having courage to face the music. I knew that this might help me find closure.

I swallowed hard as I took slow and easy steps toward the house, trying not to slip on the cold, hard ground. Before I climbed the steps to the door, I reminded myself that I _was_ strong enough to not let the pain get to me. After all, this was the first time going out besides school and work.

I soon reached the door, opening it carefully. As it glided open, I looked at the surroundings. Everything had been left where it was always. Nothing was taken with them. This would make it harder for me to go through. I got up all the courage I could muster, before stepping into the house and shutting the door behind me.

I took a deep breath. I walked over slowly to the living room. The big white couch was still in place with the red pillows sitting on the sides. The plasma screen was black, and the X-Box and Wii were no longer underneath it. I knew Emmett and Jasper could never leave the game systems behind. I chuckled softly to myself remembering their antics. That's when I had to hold myself together from the horrible pain and misery of remembrance.

I walked across the hall into the kitchen. I could almost smell the deliciousness of food that Esme used to cook for me. I flicked on the lights. The silver pots and pans hung from the hooks on the wall. Everything was clean, but there was no food left in the pantry or fridge. I sighed as I walked into the dining room.

The big, glass table sat in the middle of the room. There were fake, pink and white flowers in the center. I walked over and felt the softness and couldn't help but shed a tear, remembering my second mother. She had always been so good to me, helping and caring for me. "I'll love you, Esme. Forever," I whispered to the empty room. I took a couple of minutes to stare out of the window, watching the white, cold snow cover the ground.

I then took the liberty to go upstairs and revisit everyone's room. I started with Carlisle and Esme's. I sat on the big, cream-colored bed, in taking the empty room. Something green caught my eye, suddenly. I looked over. On the bedside table lay a medical book of rare diseases. I remembered how Carlisle always helped me when I was always hurt. His level of care he put towards people, especially me, never ceased to amaze me.

I walked into Alice and Jasper's room next. To the side was a light blue queen-sized bed. There was also a big plasma TV and two small tables. I walked to the closet, so I could see the only time Alice's closet was empty. But, I was wrong, of course. There were a few items inside that resembled as one outfit. There was a note sticking out from the pocket of the pants. I picked it up. It read:

_Bella,_

_When you find this, I'm giving this outfit to you. I thought maybe you could keep it as a memory of Jasper and I. I want you to know that I will always love you and miss you every single day of my existence; no matter what _he_ said. _

_I love you. _

_Your Sister Forever,_

_Alice_

I looked the outfit. It wasn't anything too special. There was a baby pink tank-top, a black camisole for underneath, grey skinny jeans, black ballet flats and a small, black hand bag that probably cost a fortune. I couldn't take it though. It would sit in my closet as a constant reminder of them and how they aren't there anymore.

I slipped the note back into the pocket and moved to the next room.

Emmett and Rosalie's.

I had never actually been in here before. I had no reason to be in here. Rosalie hated me and Emmett would never have a reason to bring me in here. I looked around and saw a TV, bed, closet and nightstand. It was a fairly simple room. Nothing too special. Of course no clothes or makeup were spared in the move.

I spotted a small figure on the nightstand, next to the bed. It was an army man. The army man I gave Emmett last summer. I would never forget it, either.

_FLACHBACK_

"_PEW! PEW! PEW!" Emmett yelled from the living room._

_I was currently snuggling with Edward on his couch listening to Debussy until Emmett interrupted us with his loud noises. _

_I smiled and got up from the couch to go investigate what destruction Emmett might be causing downstairs. I saw that he was playing some sort of war game on his X-Box. I smiled at his silliness._

"_Bella! Come look! I'm gonna get this guy in a sec'!" he yelled. I laughed and sat down next to him on the living room couch. Soon enough, in big flashing letters, Emmett sat in shock as the TV screen read 'GAME OVER'. _

"_Sorry, Em," I told him, shrugging._

"_I played for so long and now I have to START OVER?" Emmett yelled, obviously angry._

_Then I got an idea._

"_Emmett, I have to get you something at my house," I told him. "Edward, can you run me home, really fast?" _

"_Sure, love," he said, coming down the stairs smiling. I smiled back._

_Ten minutes later, I arrived back at the Cullen's to find Emmett sitting with anticipation. _

_I handed Emmett a small, green, plastic army soldier._

"_Emmett you have to listen to me. A kid that I used to babysit in Phoenix, Brian, gave this to me. He was like my own little boy. When he was six last year, he died of Cancer. When I was visiting him at the hospital, he gave this to me and told me to be as brave and strong as the soldier here. Whenever I lost someone, or something and felt sad, this little guy made me believe again. I want you to have him and keep him for whenever you get let down and need to believe again." _

_Emmett was beaming up at me. "Thank you, Bella. I'll keep it forever." With that he pulled me into one of his bone-crushing hugs. "Now, it's time to try this game again!" he yelled in determination._

_FLASHBACK END_

I looked at the little soldier. Anger grew inside of me, now. How could he just forget me like that? How could he just leave it? Even someone like Emmett would know that it meant a lot to me. I guess it was just like leaving me. I was as worthless as the little piece of green plastic on the table. They never cared for me I guess. They only pitied me. If I ever see a Cullen again, they better not expect me to just forgive and forget.

Suddenly, all of the sorrow, sadness, agony, depression and misery turned into anger. Pure, cold, hard anger. I meant nothing to them but yet they let me let them mean everything to me. I got up from the room and passed the room I would never go into again. His room. I walked upstairs and into the library.

I went through every shelf they had. I saw books that I gave them, left sitting there, and collecting dust. They just wanted to forget the lonely, stupid, weak human, I guess. They only didn't want to remember me because they knew they hurt me. Otherwise they probably wouldn't care at all. I hated them now.

I soon came across a box labeled 'The Bella Box'. Inside was everything they had to remember me at all. They left everything. Even Esme. Sweet, caring Esme left my gifts for them here. They even left all of the pictures. I found books, jewelry, music, CDs, movies and even clothes here. I was now so full of hatred and anger I just picked up the box and took it furiously downstairs.

Before moving to the first floor, I ran into Emmett's room and grabbed the soldier. I threw it into the box as well. I walked slowly and carefully down the stairs, so angry that my hands were shaking. I ignored everything in my way, pushing and shoving through the doors of the house. As I exited the house, into the backyard, I gripped the box firmly. I then reached the river that separated the yard from the forest.

"Good riddance!" I yelled to no one. I then overturned the box and emptied the contents of gifts I had given them, watching them flow down the stream to nowhere. I dropped the box in, too and ran back into the house, feeling the cold, winter wind hit my face and blow past me. I sat for a moment to catch my breath in the kitchen then speed walked to the second floor. I walked straight into _his_ room. I knew now I couldn't hold myself together for much longer. I collapsed on his small couch and let the tears pour down my face. I let myself cry out in sadness, knowing no one would hear me anyway.

I sobbed and sat there for what seemed like hours. I felt like I had no strength or courage anymore. I felt like I had no reason to live. I thought about my actions and finally came back to reality. I had just lost everything for them; things that actually had meaning to _me_.

I snapped my eyes open and bolted out of the room and through the back door. I ran along the stream and tried to find my things. After running for a few minutes, I knew I had no chance of ever finding my things again. I slowed to a walk and eventually stopped moving all together. I just stood in the snow, freezing and crying. There was nothing I could do now. I felt like I had lost everything because everything in that box has meaning to _me. _I felt like I lost another part of my world now. Almost everything I had now was gone.

I slowly sat on the ground, letting the snow soak through my jeans. I felt even number than ever. I didn't care anymore. I couldn't even look at anything, anymore. I had to look through it into nothingness. I rolled onto my side and lay on the cold, wet ground.

I shivered and felt myself freeze every other moment. It was agony and I didn't do anything about it. I couldn't find it in me to do anything about it. I hugged my knees to my chest and that's when it finally hit me.

The tiny soldier that I left all my faith in was gone.

I couldn't help but start to hyperventilate against my knees. I froze like that for what felt like days. I didn't know what to do anymore. I had only two choices: I could let Charlie find me or I could just sit here and most likely die. Either way I wouldn't mind.

That's when I let the misery fully take control of me.

Everything went black.


	2. Back

**Okay…chapter 2! :D So Jasper's in this one and it's awesome…I don't have much to say so..**

**Disclaimer: I own-a nothing!**

I woke to find myself on the couch of the Cullen living room. I smelt something baking from the kitchen and wondered who was here…and how I got here.

I thought I was going to die…or let the police find me…but now I was confused. I got up from the couch to find a warm, thick blanket covering my, now warm, body. I shrugged it off as it fell to the couch and I cautiously walked to the kitchen to find the one person I thought I'd never see again.

"…Jasper?" I asked, staring at the blonde in front of me, cooking French toast. He turned to see me and had a face full of relief. "Jasper!" I yelled, reassuring myself that he was here.

I bolted toward him and threw myself at him. I felt grateful to see him again. I tightened my grip around him to notice that he hadn't moved an inch since he turned around to see me. I pulled away and looked up at him. He looked at me with confusion.

"Bella…I'm going to finish the French toast and we can talk," he told me. I stared at him for what seemed like hours then finally nodded and made my way back to the couch and wrapped myself in the blankets again.

Within minutes, Jasper appeared with a plate of French toast and let me eat them. He stared at me contently. Finally I finished my food and started to speak.

"Okay…I'm going to let you talk first so go ahead," I told him. He nodded.

"Well first, I'm not rejecting you. So don't feel like that. I didn't hug you back because I was unsure about how you're not afraid of me. And I'd like to apologize. I feel horrible for ruining your eighteenth birthday. I should've had more control and I will never forgive myself-"

"Jasper," I tried to stop him. He was being ridiculous!

"No, Bella, listen. I know that you will never forgive me for my action but-" he went on.

"Jasper," I cut him off. "There's nothing to apologize for. It's in your nature to react like that. _I_ should be apologizing. If I was more careful, none of this would have happened. It's all my fault. I'm too clumsy…and not good enough, not pretty enough, not good enough…not good enough…" I repeated as it turned to a whisper. I would never be good enough for HIM.

"What? How are you blaming yourself? How aren't you good enough? " he questioned.

"It's my fault. And I'm Not good enough. For HIM…he told me himself...I was never good enough for him or his standards."

"Bella, Darlin', what are you talking about?"

I looked at him confused. "He told me that day in the woods that I wasn't good enough for him. Then he left…you left…everyone left."

"He left you in the woods?" Jasper asked with a hint of anger.

"Sure, I mean if I was good enough, he'd take me home. But I'm not."

Jasper was gritting his teeth, angry now. "He is a stupid-ass jerk who doesn't know what's good for him. He left you broken and alone. It's so immature and wrong."

I was now very pissed off.

"Okay, but how in the hell do you come off saying that about him when you left me, too? I didn't get to apologize or say goodbye so don't put this on him because it's your fault too that I'm like this! Everyone's fault!" I yelled viciously. "You all left me because he said so! You never had to even LISTEN!"

"Bella, I didn't want to leave. None of us did. But he told us we had to and we listened, which was wrong, and everyone regrets it very much. You must understand, Darlin', that we didn't want this. We love you and would have never left on our own."

I sighed, now knowing the truth and feeling bad for what I'd said to Jasper. "I'm sorry; I didn't realize that it happened like that. And it makes me wonder…what are you doing here?"

"Well, I'm going to fill you in on everything that has happened since we left so be prepared."

I nodded and left him go on. "Well the first month everyone was so depressed. No one would speak and the feeling made me slip into what seemed like nothingness. Finally everyone was the same again but it wasn't the same, you know? No matter what no one would be fully happy. HE left to go to South America and do whatever. I haven't heard from him since he declared his moving. Carlisle and Esme just do what they'd normally do…but they act like they're mindless.

"Rose got a job at a mechanics shop to occupy her which leaves Emmett completely alone with his video games. He swears he never beat them but we all know he did and is just using them to cover up the pain. He misses you so much and loathes Edward for leaving you. I never saw Emmett so sad and depressed. Then there's Alice. About two months ago she got this vision and wouldn't tell me what it was.

"She ignored me for a week or so but talked to everyone else. One day I asked her if I could help and she just snapped. She looked me dead in the eye and said that she was sick and tired of me and this family. She told me we were over and told me she's leaving this lifestyle to drink humans. I could tell she was bluffing though. Anyway I've never felt so alone and broken. I didn't know what to do. So I told everyone I needed some time to collect myself and that I'd be back sometime.

"So I went to Forks and watched out for you. I stayed in the house and kept you safe even if you didn't know it. Then one day I saw you coming to my house and decided to hunt and let you do your business. When I came back I found you almost freezing to death on the ground so I took you inside and let you sleep.

"While you were asleep I ran along the river for a while and found this and dried it," he told me picking up the box of things I gave them. I smiled hugged it close knowing that I had it back. I looked up at Jasper and pulled him into a tight hug.

This time he hugged me back with equal amount of squeezing. I smiled and then frowned.

"So…when do you have to leave?" I asked sadly.

Jasper looked frantic and answered "I don't know yet…"

"Well I'll be here for as long as you are. I hope that we can maybe be friends and hang out every one and a while."

"Well I don't know the future so we'll see how this goes along."

I sighed then rooted through the box to find the army man. When I found it I held it up and smiled to myself.

"You know, Emmett cursed himself and was ready to come back when he realized he forgot to bring that with him. Of course, Douscheward wouldn't let him," Jasper told me, smiling.

I looked at him questioningly. "He wouldn't? Why not? You're an adult you should be able to make your own decisions. He isn't your mother."

"Well, Bella, you see he told everyone that…well…you didn't want me to be anywhere near you and that it was better off living a happy human life. Of course when he left for South America, I slipped away after what happened with Alice. And now you're pretty much filled in on everything."

I nodded comprehending every word he told me. Eventually he spoke up.

"So, how are you really feeling Bella?" he asked me.

"You know how I'm feeling, you silly empath," I told him smiling. He didn't return the smile, still obviously serious.

"I meant mentally, overall, about everything?" he clarified it. I sighed knowing that I didn't want to bring it up because I would most likely return to those feelings. I told him anyway.

"Well, honestly I have a list," I said but he nodded to go one. "I feel lonely, depressed, angry, empty, horrible and happy," I finished, nodding to myself in reassurance.

"Happy?" he asked confused.

I smiled. "Yes. Happy," I confirmed confidently. He still looked unsure so I explained. "I'm happy because you're here and you are my friend, right?"

He thought it over and finally confirmed, "Right. I guess I understand." I smiled and sat there in silence, staring at him stare at me.

We found ourselves content in the silence until we heard his phone buzz in his shirt pocket. He picked it up and flipped it open.

"What do you want?" he asked suddenly irritated. I was a little puzzled because nothing was wrong the minute before.

"Are you kidding?" he asked a tad angry now. He paused.

"Sure. Fine. Whatever. Bye," he finished, snapping the phone shut fast and hard.

"What's wrong?" I asked even though it was really none of my business.

"Nothing, Darlin'," he said, suddenly smiling now. I shrugged off the thought and sat in silence for awhile longer.

Jasper broke the silence and asked "How would you like to take a ride on a motorcycle with me?"

I stared at him in shock. That was dangerous! I would end up hurting myself and making him lode his control again. I sighed as I thought it over.

"Not today, Jasper. I've had a lot of things laid out for me to sink in today and I'm a little tired. I should actually be heading home now. Charlie must be worried and I still need to make dinner for him…Plus it's snowing out."

His face fell slightly. "Okay then. I should've known to let you have time to think. When will I see you again?" he asked hopefully.

I thought it over. "How about you give me your number and I'll call you, alright?"

He smiled again ad recited his number to me as I saved it into my phone.

"Okay, well, I'll see you soon, Jazz," I said, putting my coat on.

"Jazz?" he asked.

"It's your new nickname. I decided for you," I declared. He just nodded in agreement. I went outside and got into my truck. As I started it up, I looked up to see him watching me as I left. I smiled at him.

"Bye, Jazz," I said, knowing he would hear me. I saw him wave as I pulled out of the driveway and onto the road.

As I drove, I felt butterflies in my stomach, knowing that we would see each other again soon. I drove home happily and just about pranced into the kitchen and started in dinner. Charlie looked up from his paper.

"Hey, Bells," he greeted me.

I looked at him and smiled. "Hey, Dad. How was work?" I asked making conversation.

He looked unsure of my sudden happiness. "Good…I see you're happy again," he stated.

I giggled and his eyes widened a fraction. I couldn't tell him about Jasper, so I thought of the first thing that came to mind.

"Yes. When I was driving I had a lot of time to think about life and realized that I shouldn't be overly sad about…Edward. He's just another guy. I'll move on," I told him reluctantly, smiling bigger because whatever I just said made sense to me and I felt big and like I was reborn. I saw Charlie smile to himself, seeing me back to my old self.

"That's good, Bells," he said smiling as he read the paper. I made me smile, too as I finished up the dinner and went upstairs to work on some homework. I didn't think of Jasper as much as I thought about being normal and happy again. Being happy made me want to be happier which I was.

I got on to my computer as I finished some of my homework and logged onto FaceBook. I wrote on my status, "Sometimes you kind of die inside in order to rise from your own ashes and believe in yourself and love yourself and become a new person." It was from a quote from one of my favorite bands.

Soon enough it was about time to make my way to bed. I laid down and felt a sudden urge of restlessness. I wanted to-no needed to talk to someone.

Jessica? No. Angela? Maybe. Mike? Defiantly not. …Jasper?

Before I could answer my own question I was already picking up my phone and dialing. He answered on the first ring.

"Bella? Is there something wrong?" he asked in a slight panicking tone.

"Yes. There is and I need your help," I stated, giggling mentally.

"What is it?" he asked a little more alert now.

"I can't sleep, nor do I want to," I said in a helpless tone.

I heard him sigh in relief. I giggled aloud now. He growled slightly.

"Bella don't scare me like that, please," he said. Then his voice softened. "I'll help you fall asleep just close your eyes."

"No. I don't want to sleep," I protested.

"Bella," he said in a warning tone. I guess that was my cue to stop ticking him off. I closed my eyes as ordered and I heard him start to hum something familiar.

The lullaby Edward wrote me.

Then I felt the pain drown me and I started to softly cry. It soon turned into hyperventilating. Jasper immediately stopped and tried to stop me from crying but it did no good.

I thought I heard him start to apologize but I hung up and turned over on my side, facing the wall. I felt my phone vibrate for a few minutes but it eventually stopped. I sighed in relief as I cried myself to sleep.

**JPOV**

What have I done?

Mentally kicked myself. I should have known not to hum it. I'm so fucking dumb! UGH.

I tried calling her again but it was no use. She just ignored me. I watched from the tree across the street as she wept. I heard her and felt her cry in misery. What was I to do?

**Okay so that's chapter dos. That quote up there is from Gerard Way from My Chemical Romance and I thought of it when I was writing sometime.**

**Anyway review for me and Jasper will come to your house on a sexy motorcycle and take you for a ride.**

**ALSO. Any guess who was on the phone?**


	3. Cleaning

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

**I had finally just thought out the whole plot yesterday and with everything that happens, I realize that it will take a long story to tell. :D **

I woke up in my room, groggy and tired. I rolled over on my bed to feel something pressed to my back.

I got up and found a small note on the bed that read:

_Bella, _

_Last night, I thought that the lullaby would comfort you bit of course I was wrong. I just want to say I'm sorry for hurting you last night._

_Jazz_

I sighed, regretting not letting him apologize yesterday. He was being a sneak, too. He knew that using the name 'Jazz' would get me. And it did.

It was Sunday morning so I knew it was the day to stay home and make a big dinner for Charlie.

I walked downstairs to find that he had already left for his fishing trip. I went to the cabinet and got out a pop tart, thinking of what I was going to do today. I know I had to do laundry, cook dinner, call Jasper and clean the bathroom.

I decided to call Jasper first to clear things up. I felt like I _had_ to. So I went up to my room and dialed his number. But he didn't pick up. I sighed heavily this time, thinking that it was going to be another one of those days where everything went wrong.

I went downstairs and started the wash. When that was done I headed up to my room to read a book in the mean time until I was ready to clean.

When I was caught up in my book, my phone startled me and decided that it wanted to ring. I looked at it and saw that Jazz was calling. I smiled.

I took in a breath before answering. "Hey," I greeted him.

"Hey…you called?" he asked.

"Um, yeah. I just wanted to tell you sorry for being a big baby last night. And I thought it was thoughtful that you knew what sort of things comforted me…"

"Bella you had every right to act like that and I'm sorry. I should've known. And only you find it thoughtful after being hurt by something."

"Yeah. But, it's ok Jazz. But, hey, I gotta go. I have to clean my house so…bye."

"Do you want help with that?" he asked before I hung up.

"Jasper you don't have to. You wouldn't wanna be stuck here all day cleaning," I denied him.

"Oh, it's no problem. I have nothing else to do, anyway," he said, reluctantly.

I thought it over and realized that it might be nice to have some company for the day.

"Well, ok. If you don't mind, that is. See you in a half hour?" I suggested.

"Ok. See you!" he replied cheerfully.

After I hung up, I went to get a shower and put on some clothes. I figured that since I would be cleaning, I would wear something simple. I decided on a tee shirt and sweat pants. I put my hair into a messy bun, too. As I walked to start on the bathroom I decided to listen to some music. I went to my room and turned on the radio to hear one of my favorite songs.

I danced to the bathroom and started to spray the mirror with Windex. Next thing I knew I was singing loudly to the song, washing in beat with the song. Today, for once, I felt as if I could be happy and not have to think of HIM. I felt great…and alive.

Suddenly I heard a chuckle from outside of the bathroom. I looked over to see Jasper grinning and laughing at me. I blushed madly.

"So, are you going to be the next American idol?" he joked. I stuck my tongue out at him. "Very mature, Bella," he commented.

I went back to washing the mirror and moving on to the sink, now simply humming the tune. We didn't say anything. He sat there watching me go about cleaning and bouncing to the rhythms of the songs. Finally, he spoke up.

"So, Bella, what are you doing tomorrow?" he asked.

"Um…school. It's Monday," I reminded him. In the corner of my eye I saw him nod to himself. I paused to think but realized my thought was silly. Jasper wouldn't ask me on a date, would he?

I pushed away the thought and sat down next to him on the tub ledge. He looked at me but I looked at my hands. I always thought of HIM. I always missed him. The hole in my chest returned and I sighed loudly.

"What are you thinking about?" Jasper asked me carefully.

HE always asked that. It made the hole bigger, now. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to focus on something happier. That's what I always did during these past months. That's how I survived. I never was a zombie like I knew Charlie explained. I was just always trying to push the thoughts away, focusing on other things. Then I realized Jasper asked a question. This is why he thought I was a zombie.

"Nothing, Jasper. I'm sorry. I should get back to work now."

"Would you like help?" he asked. I shook my head. "Oh, come on, Bells. You know you don't wanna do this whole thing alone do you?"

He was right. "Fine. If you insist on cleaning, the toilet wand is behind the toilet," I snapped. I instantly regretted it but continued cleaning after I handed him the toilet bowl cleaner. He finished when I did.

"I'll clean the shower, Jazz," I told him. He shook his head.

"Well, I'm helping." He picked up the spray and did half of the shower. I tried spraying one part but got his face instead. I tried to stifle a laugh but failed.

"Is that how it's gonna be?" he asked, playfully. I shook my head, still laughing. He picked up the other spray and sprayed it at me. I froze. I sprayed mine back at him then dove behind the curtain. I heard nothing.

"Jazz?" I asked, trying to hear something. I was afraid to look out. I heard nothing so I ripped the curtain from in front of me. Of course Jasper was there holding the spray, drenching me in it. I drenched him back. When we finished, we saw that the bathroom was a mess again, and we were both sticky from the cleaning supplies.

"Hey, Jasper. You wanted to clean right? Well, I don't feel like it anymore so…" I gestured to the whole room. He shook his head, laughing.

"Nope. It's _your _bathroom!" he said laughing. We finished off the bathroom, laughing the whole time. I was still sticky though.

"He, Jazz, I'm going to get a shower now. You can wait 'til I'm done or go back to your house if you want, ok?" I suggested.

He raised his eyebrow. "I'll go back to my house. I need new clothes. I have to hunt, too. So…I'll see you soon…" he trailed off. I nodded.

"Thank you for the help," I thanked him.

He smiled, "Anytime, Darlin'." He waved, and then I listened to him leave the house.

When I got in the shower, that's when it happened. I cried for what seemed like ages. He left me and I desperately wanted him to come back and be with me. I missed him. I missed HIM. I missed the family. I turned off the shower and sat down in the tub, sobbing.

Eventually, I got out and washed my clothes. I started on Charlie's dinner too. I knew this would be a very long night.

**JPOV**

I ran back to the house after having my disinfectant spray fight with Bella. I had no idea why Edward would leave her. She was so genuine and fun, so happy and loving. He was a complete idiot, obviously.

I eventually got back to the house and changed into some older clothes. Then I headed out to hunt. I ran through the forest, sensing some elk up ahead.

They would do just fine for now. I wasn't desperate for blood, but the feeling was always there. It hurt me inside to know that I killed so many animals and people. I knew that I would never intentionally hurt Bella…but her birthday proved me otherwise.

I spotted the elk about ten feet ahead. I pounced on it before it had the chance to run. First, I killed it quick so it wouldn't have the bare the pain of its blood draining. I was half-way finished when my thoughts returned to Bella. I instantly lost the thirst, thinking that I could've done this to her. I finished the elk unwillingly and shoved it away, heading back to the house.

**BPOV**

I quickly cooked up some lasagna for Charlie tonight. Cooking took my mind off of things, making me concentrate on not burning anything.

I decided to check my e-mail. Of course there was one from Renee:

_Hey, Baby!_

_How are you holding up, sweetheart? I hear from your dad that nothing has been going on lately. So what's up? How's school? Any cute guys there still might be? Tell me about it, sweetie._

_Love you,_

_Renee_

I chuckled at my mother's letter. She was always so hopeful and willing. I wish I was more like her in that way, sometimes. I started to write back to her:

_Hey, Mom._

_Nothing really _has_ been going on. I'm holding up ok, I guess. School's fine, too. But you know how hard it is sometimes. I was just thinking about you while making Dad some dinner. I miss you a lot. How's Phil doing? What's up there? I miss the heat, too. _

_Love you,_

_Bella_

I shut off my computer after checking all of my other accounts. I made sure to avoid the 'boys' subject with Renee. She would always push me to have some insanely normal kind of guy that was normally Mike Newton. He was a good guy but I only thought of him as a friend and that is how it would stay.

I heard Charlie come home and call for me.

"Bells? You here?" he called.

I walked to the top of the steps. "Yeah, Dad. I'm here. I'll be down in a minute. Dinner's on the stove," I called back. I went to wash my hands and looked in the mirror. I looked horrible. But it wouldn't matter because it was only Charlie. I sighed, thinking that there could be someone other than Charlie to impress every night at dinner. But there wasn't. I felt the hole return to my chest.

I went down stairs and helped myself to some dinner. I sat down across from Charlie.

"This is good," he commented. I nodded in agreement. "How was your day?" he asked.

"Um…fine. Kinda boring," I didn't want to tell him about Jasper. I knew if I did he would question me like crazy.

"Oh, that's too bad. It was a slow day fishing, too. But then again it is December," he mumbled.

I finished up dinner and went upstairs. I changed into my pajamas and got picked up _Wuthering Heights_. By now it was old and ratty, but I didn't mind. I read for a couple of hours until I became sleepy. I then plugged in my phone and thought of something.

I could call Jasper but I didn't want to be a bother to him. He was probably hunting anyway. I decided not to call him, but I felt empty. I truly missed him and his family. I felt a tear slide down my cheek because I knew that I had no one else that loved me like HE did. Then my phone buzzed. I got a text that read:

_Don't cry, Cupcake. He lost his mate, too, so he's feeling the same way. And he misses you like you miss him._

There was no number at the bottom so I couldn't text back. I strangely felt like I could trust the person who sent me this. I knew it wasn't Alice but I would never know.

_Hey_, I sent to Jasper. I waited a few seconds and my phone buzzed, again.

_Hey,_ it read back. I smiled to myself. The hour was spent texting each other about what was going on, our interests and possible plans for the future. Of course Jasper was all for bungee jumping but I told him maybe someday.

Eventually, I started to drift off to sleep and put my phone away.

"_Jasper?" I called, into the Cullen mansion. I called it over and over until I got a response. I heard a faint chuckle in the distance. I turned to see Jasper, red- eyed, and laughing menacingly._

"_Jasper?" I asked, not believing that it was him. He nodded. I gulped loudly._

_Next thing I knew, he sprung at me, his lips at my neck. I was very afraid, now. _

"_Bella, Bella, Bella. Sh, sh, sh. This will only hurt a bit," he told me. My eyes widened and he bit into my neck. I felt pain rush through my body. I started to scream continuously. He sucked harder every time my noise increased. I was about to fade out when I heard his voice whisper something along the lines of 'I'm so sorry…' And then I felt a large smack._

I woke with a thick sweat covering me. I panted quickly, gulping down. I realized that the large smack was me falling onto the floor off of my bed from all of the thrashing. I, then, saw something gold move and catch my eye in the corner, but nothing was there. I panted for a few more seconds then went downstairs to get a glass of water. I finished and returned to my bed, drifting off into another restless sleep.

**JPOV**

I finished texting Bella after she told me she was going to bed. Then I got curious. Edward was so in love with watching her sleep, so I decided to go see for myself. I grabbed my phone and switched it to silent. I then ran to Bella's house and climbed through her window. I sat in the rocking chair across from her bed.

"Jasper?" I heard her softly say. I tensed. At first I thought she knew I was her but then she stirred and I saw that she was just sleeping. She was feeling mysterious and frightened. It made me wonder about what she was dreaming of. I heard her call my name again but now she was flat-out scared. I felt sad because the outcome of the dream wouldn't be good.

"JASPER!" she yelled now, flailing in her bed. I couldn't wake her up, but I wanted to. I tried to calm her but her feelings were too powerful. Now she was screaming at the top of her lungs, screeching and thrashing about.

I knew she was having a nightmare about me. She was probably scared of me and I felt horrible. If I had more control at her birthday, she most likely wouldn't be dreaming about me. I was probably torturing her in her dreams.

"I'm so sorry…" I apologized to her, even though I knew she wouldn't hear me. I mentally cursed myself. Then I heard one last scream before I heard a large smacking sound and she woke up abruptly, panting. I dashed out of her window and ran straight back to my house. I truly loathed myself for doing this to her.

I sat down on the couch, realizing there was no more Alice to assure me that it was ok. I hugged my knees to my chest and rested my chin on them. I spent the rest of the night like that, not moving, waiting for sunrise. I then thought to myself that I wasn't going to pull and 'Edward'.

I sure as hell was going to keep trying to make it up to Bella for what I'd done. And I wasn't going anywhere.

**MMK. So there's a pretty little review button below this. I suggest clicking it because I love to hear your thoughts. Was it good, bad, what? Who might be the mysterious man? And by my writing style I love how people try to guess my age. **


	4. Plans

**Hi.**

**Yes so I have nothing to say except I don't own twilight. That…and I believe in anticipation so the Jasper and Bella love will come later in the story and then other events of which I cannot say right now. But I hope you enjoy! OH! And in this story Bella is stronger and not as pathetic. **

**BPOV**

I woke up around seven, feeling groggy and tired. The nightmares never went away at night and I still got sleep, but I was always tired. What I would do for just one peaceful night of sleep and no nightmares…

I quickly got dressed in a simple tee shirt, sweat jacket and jeans. I went down stairs and grabbed a granola bar for breakfast. I never ate much but I ate just enough to get by. I put my back pack and jacket on and went off to school.

I sensed something watching me somewhere…and I suspected a vampire. It would either be Jasper or Victoria who I now knew was after me. She sent a note a couple days after HE left. Mate for mate is what her goal is. She was somewhere out there lurking and yet I didn't care. I felt like I had nothing to live for anymore.

I reached my school and got out of the truck to find a waiting Mike by my side. He smiled so brightly.

"Heeey, Bella. How's-how's your morning?" he stuttered. I put on my best smile, knowing it still wasn't good enough.

"It's good. Your's?" I asked, making small talk.

"Good. So, hey, there's this new movie coming out this Friday and I was wondering if maybe you would like to go see it with me…?" he asked nervously. "As-as friends I mean," he added quickly.

I thought it over, thinking that it would be nice to get out with some friends. I smiled and nodded. "Sure, Mike. I'd like to go."

His face lit up. "Great! Great. Um…okay well I'll see you later then, ok?"

"Ok. Bye!" He waved and ran off into school, while I followed slowly behind. I eventually got into the school and to my locker, getting my stuff for first period.

The day went by slowly. I finally reached lunch period, not very hungry. On the way to the lunchroom, I thought of my nightmare last night. I knew Jasper would never attack me like that but I couldn't help but wonder if he would. I shrugged the thought off and entered the room, Angela greeting me first. He smile was so nice and warm.

"Hi, Bella!" she greeted.

"Hey, Ang," I greeted back. I smiled, too, this time genuinely happy. Angela always made me happy because she was always so easy to connect with. She truly was my best friend.

"So, I heard you and Mike are going to the movies, Friday. Are you sure?" she asked, unsure.

"Yeah, I mean, he is my friend and we are going _as_ friends. I also think that it would be nice to get out more," I told her.

"As friends? Bella, He said that you guys were going _together, _together. As in romantic," she clued me in. I sat in shock.

"_He_ said that? Or someone else that goes by the name of Jessica?" I asked slyly.

"Mike said it. He specifically told me," she said positive.

"Oh-ho, this won't go by smoothly. I'll be right back," said, already getting up.

"Don't do anything drastic," she said giggling. I sighed. I walked over to Mike's table and looked him in the eye.

"Oh…Hey, Bella," he said politely. I glared at him, a little.

"Mike, can I speak with you over there?" I said pointing to an empty table. He nodded then followed me over to the table.

I asked him flat-out, "Why are you telling people that we're going to the movies as a couple?"

He sat in silence, thinking. Finally, he sighed and said, "Because…it would be cool to be the first guy to take out _Bella Swan_ besides Edward. I don't know if you know this but everyone likes you, Bella. _Everyone._ Especially me. I _really _like you."

I was hurt, flattered and outraged. I decided not to let the anger get the best of me and let it slide. I was also hurt, hearing Edward's name again but relieved that I can say it with little pain. I sighed.

"The date's off. I feel a little uncomfortable now…but we can try again another time. Sorry," I apologized. Then I turned and headed back to Angela and saw that Ben was sitting with her now.

"Well, I canceled the date," I said, approaching the table. I saw Angela nod.

"I'm sorry, Bella…" she apologized.

"It's okay. I just am gonna be lonely on Friday," I said to her and myself.

"Or not…" she said mysteriously. I looked up. "Why don't you and me have a girl night. Just you and me. We could go to a movie or go shopping and have dinner. I hate the thought of you being all alone on a Friday night because of some jerk."

I smiled now. "That's sounds more than great, Angela. Thanks."

"Anytime," she replied.

The rest of the period was spent eating, making plans and receiving glares from Mike and his table. Me and Angela decided to go shopping in Port Angeles and go to dinner at this small Italian restaurant. I knew that shopping with Angela was different than with Alice because Alice always pushed me to buy things that I didn't want nor need.

The rest of the day was slow and very boring. Of course it was only Monday and I had four more days to endure school until the weekend. But that didn't matter because I never had plans or anything fun going on.

When I got home I checked my phone but there were no calls. Usual. I headed upstairs to do homework for a while. I forgot about the world and just thought that there was no reason in life. I didn't have one at least. There was no point in going to school, getting a job when I'll just die later on. I sighed and finished some more homework.

That's when my mind did a complete 180. Jasper was calling.

I smiled. "Hello?" I answered.

"Hey, Bella. What's up?" he asked casually.

"Oh nothing. Just doing some homework. It's really boring. What are you doing?" I asked, actually curious.

"Nothing special. I got bored and thought I should say 'hi'."

I nodded to myself. "Hi…" I said and he chuckled.

"Hi."It was silent for a moment. "So…what did you do in school today?"

I knew he was just trying to keep the conversation, now. "Oh, boring. Mike Newton asked me on a date for Friday and I accepted. Then he was spreading rumors about me and him going as this item. So at lunch I gave him a small piece of my mind. Then, Angela and I made plans to hang out and go shopping on Friday, instead. Otherwise nothing went on…." I realized I was rambling now. I felt a little bit like an idiot. I don't think Jasper minded though.

"Interesting," he commented.

I thought of something quick. "Um...what did-what did you do today?" I stuttered.

"Nothing, really. Just kind of walked around the house finding some things that we had years ago. You left the outfit that Alice got you here. You can come get it if you still want it…or I can drop it off," he offered.

"Oh, I'll drop by sometime and get it," I assured him.

"Okay, then…" he amended. Silence.

"So, Jazz, what was the reason you called?" I asked, knowing he didn't just want to say hi. He's a Cullen, well, Hale. They don't just call out of the blue.

"I was just, um, wondering if, maybe, you, uh, wanted to go and spend the day with me, Saturday?" he proposed. Aha! So that's it.

Wait. Jasper asked me out and I didn't say anything yet. Ugh! I _am_ an idiot!

"Sure. I'd love to go, Jasper. What are we going to do?" I asked.

"It's a surprise!" he sang. I groaned loudly. He chuckled.

"Fine! What time do you want me?" I asked.

"Actually I have something else to explain," he told me.

"Go ahead…"I said unsure, now.

"Well, we don't really know each other yet and I was thinking that we could get to know each other over the week. You could come over tomorrow, Wednesday, and Thursday. If you'd like, that is. Then I can get to know what you like so I can plan out some things for the future."

It didn't take me long to answer. "Yes! I'd love that. Absolutely. So, I guess, that I'll see you tomorrow then," I said, cheerfully.

"See you tomorrow," he said. I heard the smile in his voice. Then the phone went dead. I smiled while finishing up the homework I was working on.

I made some ravioli for dinner, tonight. I was just finishing when Charlie came through the door, hanging his gun up. I smiled at him.

"Hey, Bells. How was your day today?" he asked.

"Pretty good. Yours?" I asked back.

"Fine. What's for dinner?" he asked.

"Ravioli. Grandma Swan's recipe," I informed him.

"Good," he commented. We ate in silence, enjoying the food. I finally spoke up.

"So…Dad, I have some plans for the weekend, if that's okay?" I asked.

He eyed me suspiciously. "Sure, Bells…What're your plans?"

Urgh! I forgot o cover up for Jasper. I had to think quick. "Well Friday Angela and I are going shopping and then out to dinner," I told him.

"Is that it?" he asked, wiping his mouth with a napkin.

"No. Actually, I, uh, think I'm going to Seattle for the whole day…" I said confidently but he looked at me, suspiciously. "Oh and Angela, too. We decided to spend the weekend together. You know…girl time."

He nodded. "Ok, then, Bella. I'm just glad you're getting out, again," he said, looking at me, smiling.

After I finished dinner, I headed upstairs and turned on my computer. I twirled around on the chair, waiting for my computer to boot up. Finally, I logged onto my e-mail to find yet another message from my mother. I smiled as I opened it up.

_Bella,_

_Hey, sweetie! Well Phil's fine. He misses you but I miss you more. Oh, I have some great news. We have some new neighbors and you'll never guess who. Your friend Val from Phoenix! What a coincidence that she moved to Jacksonville, huh? She says hello, too. Here's her number if you want it. 555-3953. She says call her anytime to catch up. So, enough about us, how are you? Really? You know I want the best for you._

_Love you,_

_Mom_

I smiled. Valerie Burdock. She was one of my best friends in my old town. I think I'm going to call her tonight and make her happy.

_Mom,_

_Val? That's so cool. I really miss her and I am defiantly going to call her tonight. I am feeling better, actually. My friend Angela and I are spending the weekend together so I'm kinda excited. We're going shopping Friday and then dinner. On Saturday we don't know what we're doing yet. I'll tell you all about it._

_Love you,_

_Bella_

I turned off my computer after sending the message and called Val. We talked for over an hour, cathing up and talking about life. She has a boyfriend who she swears she's in love with. I laughed at her, wishing that I could be in love…normally.

When we finished talking, I decided to finish up my biology homework. It took me awhile because I was so distracted by Val and her love. It made me terribly jealous. I was in love, or so I thought. Sometimes I wish that I hadn't of moved here. I would be normal and be completely human.

But I didn't regret moving here. If I didn't I wouldn't have had the amazing life, love and friendship that I do now. I mentally kicked myself for thinking about what I would have done without Edward. I would probably have a boring life, that's what. I just missed him and I miss being in love. I miss the whole feeling.

I shrugged off the thoughts before I cried myself to sleep. I went to sleep, think about what Jasper could be planning for me on Saturday. Of course he _is_ a Hale or Cullen or whatever. They always go big.

I finally drifted off to sleep, into a dream. I was happy because I knew, now, that I _did_ have reason in life.

_I found myself in my meadow. There were thousands of flowers surrounding me. I picked one and smelled it. It was a daisy and it smelled like heaven. I felt like I was in heaven. Then I saw him._

_Jasper stood, smiling, from a distance. He didn't look evil he looked different, though._

"_Jasper?" I asked. He started to walk my way. I felt my heart rate increase. "Jasper!" I yelled, smiling big._

_I didn't know why but I felt happy to see him. I hugged him and he hugged me in return. "Bella!" he said, just as happy as me. I smiled a little bigger, if possible._

_I went to pull away, but he disappeared. "Jasper?" I asked. He was gone. I now felt sad and lonely. He appeared behind me and startled me._

"_Bella, Bella, Bella," he greeted, smirking. I didn't know what was going on. I looked at the grass, avoiding him so I didn't blush._

_In the grass, there was something written, over and over. 'Jasper and Bella's Meadow' I read. My eyes grew wide._

"_Bella, I'm your new guy. Sure I'm not your lover but don't you see I'm like your Edward but as a friend? Until you find someone else?" he asked slyly. I shook my head violently. _

"_No! No, no, no, no! I am NOT replacing you with Edward. I am not. You are different," I repeated over and over again. I let tears fall as I watched my meadow wilt away and die. Everything faded away and suddenly went completely black._

i woke up only to find that there were real tears that fell and I silently wiped them away. Was I actually replacing Edward with Jasper? I don't think so. I sighed and looked at the clock. It was around five in the morning. I groaned and decided to put on my iPod.

I listened as I thought over what I was going to do. Today I had to see Jasper and I was a little nervous. I knew after that dream, it would never be the same again and it bothered me a lot. I let the tears fall again.

I felt so empty without Jasper.

**Ok so I would love to hear your thoughts as always and yep I can't wait to write the next chapter. I focus on updating at least once a week but that depends on the number of reviews I got. So yeah.**


	5. Books and Stories

**I totally hate this right now. I was busy ALL week and I realized I forgot to edit some of the last chapter and it's the first week of school and UGH. If I don't update soon, I will feel like a bad person so here you go. **

My alarm clock finally went off and I got out of bed, sleepy and groggy. Today was going to be exceptionally long, and I knew it. I had no choice but to go to school and then go to Jasper's. I sighed and stretched my arms.

I decided to wear a sweatshirt, jeans and sneakers. My other coat was down stairs. As I finished getting ready for school, I grabbed a cereal bar from the cabinet, and was on my way to school.

I pulled up at the front to a waiting, semi-pissed Jessica. I sat in my truck for a couple moments and eventually got out to see what she wanted…yet again.

"Hey, Jess. What's up?" I asked casually, strolling by her as she caught up with me.

"So I heard about what happened with you and Mike," she approached. I nodded. "Did he really make you become a lesbian or something?" I stopped.

"A, what? No. I'm defiantly not a…lesbian," I told her, blinking.

"Well you are going on a date with Angela on Friday, right?" she asked, still curious. I groaned.

"Jess, I am not a lesbian. Angela and I are just hanging out Friday, and defiantly not going on a date!" I almost shouted. Rumors today were becoming so absurd.

"That's not what Lauren said, though…" she tried to hang on to the rumor.

"Well Lauren doesn't know anything and half the stuff you hear, Jess, are rumors. And rumors aren't true."

"Well, I knew that. I just always ask the source before I confirm it, you know?"

"No, Jess, I don't know… And I have to go now. Bye," I said coldly, leaving for my locker. I left her standing there, thinking.

Finally, I made it to first period and listened to the teacher. I eventually drifted into deep thought.

If that rumor was going around, what other ones were? I shouldn't be worried though, right? They aren't true but it's so ridiculous that you just HAVE to think about it. Me? A lesbian? No, no, I made it pretty clear that I like guys. But I have nothing against lesbians. It makes me wonder what else goes around. Maybe one day I'll actually listen and then laugh about it at night.

Night. That reminds me that today after school; I have to go see Jasper. I had no idea why I was so nervous about it, though. It was _only_ Jasper and we are just friends. That made me wonder who the mysterious person who texted me was. I knew it wasn't Alice because she just doesn't talk like that. It had to be a vampire,though, no doubt.

I wondered what all of the Cullens did, now. I think they could all have good jobs. Rosalie could be a nurse and work with babies. I think the hospital and all the blood would be a problem though. She could settle for a daycare owner, though. Emmett could be a mechanic or an athlete or something along those lines. Alice could be a fashion designer' she probably already is. Jasper could…what could Jasper do? Esme could be an interior designer and she would love it. Edward could be a good pianist or composer or something like that. He would be very good.

After lunch, Angela walked me to class and we discussed the rumors. We both laughed and thought it was complete idiocy. Eventually, I reached last period. It was the most boring part of the day that I had to endure every day and it just about sucked.

Finally, I got to go to Jasper's and just hang out. I put my book bag in my truck and felt the engine come alive. I smiled to myself and instantly became excited.

I drove along the long road which took me to the Cullen's house. I listened to some music on the way there. I recognized a song and started to sing along to it. Once the song was over I still hummed it and it was stuck in my head. Great.

I pulled up to the house to a very excited and happy Jasper. I smiled even bigger.

"Excited, are we?" he asked, smiling. I blushed a little and nodded. He chuckled and led me inside. I felt nervous about all of this. He eyed me suspiciously and I acted as if I had no clue what he was getting at. Finally, he broke the silence.

"So, what do you want to do?" he asked.

I thought about it for a couple seconds and then came up with an answer. "I've never really went in the library upstairs and I would like to, if you don't mind."

"Well, let's go then," he pulled me, merrily. I went up a couple sets of stairs and made it to the top floor where the actual library was. When he opened the door, I was immediately excited to see the hundreds of books before me. He sensed it and smiled to himself, which made me blush again.

"This is amazing," I commented.

"Yeah. It has a lot of books if you want to borrow them," he told me in a small southern accent. I became a little confused and he shrugged it off.

I went over to the first shelf and noticed that there were a variety of medical books, Civil War books and poetry. He seemed to notice this.

"The medical books are Carlisle's, I read the Civil War books and Rose reads a lot of poetry," he told me, looking at the book shelf.

"You like the Civil War, huh?" I asked, smirking. He nodded.

"I suppose before you get lost in the books, I could, maybe, tell you my story…if you want, that is," he suggested. I nodded.

"Sure. That'd be cool. So, what is your story, Jasper Hale?" I asked.

"Whitlock. My real last name is Whitlock," he said first. I nodded again.

He set off into his story, telling me about the war, Maria, Peter and Charlotte and Alice. I was amazed at what Jasper had lived through and how he survived. He finished by saying, "I still feel like a monster all the time and the scars remind me every day that I am…"

"Scars?" I asked, stupidly.

He pulled up his shirt sleeves, slowly and sighing. His expression was ashamed and I looked back at the scars.

"Beautiful," I commented. He looked up, quickly, confused.

"Darlin', I killed people and this reminds me that I did. I'm a monster."

"They also make you who you are, Jazz. They make you strong, beautiful, sensitive, kind, and brave. I don't care what you say, but they're not monstrous to me."

He chuckled softly. "Only you think that vampire bites are beautiful, Bella."

I scowled and got up to go over to the books again. I went to the second shelf this time and came across a notebook. I took it off the shelf and opened it slowly. Inside were some of the most beautiful poems that I have ever read in my life.

"Who wrote these? They're beautiful," I told him, astonished.

He looked worried at first but his expression softened and replied, "Rosalie wrote them. She's quite the poet, huh?" I nodded, reading on.

I felt a cold hand stroke my face as I read. I looked up, confused.

"You were crying," he told me. I felt my cheeks and surely they were damp.

"Well, these poems are so nice and I love them. You can't help but to cry. I didn't know that Rose could write this kind of stuff. It's one of a kind for sure…" I stopped myself, trailing off, knowing that I was rambling. In the corner of my eye I saw Jasper smile, which made me smile, too. _Was this really Rosalie's writing_? I thought.

After reading most of the poems, I put the book away and continued to skim over the selections of books on the shelves. There were many Civil War books, which I picked out and quickly flipped through. Then she remembered about the careers she thought of during first period.

"Jasper, I have some cool ideas that I thought of during class, today," I said to him.

"Really?" he asked, half dramatically.

"Yeah, like careers or jobs that you guys could do to occupy your time when you're not in school," I expanded.

"Lay 'em on me," he told me. I smiled.

"Well, Carlisle already is a doctor. Rosalie could either run a daycare center because she loves kids, or she could own a mechanic shop because she loves cars and such, or be a poet. Um, Emmett could be an athlete for a famous football team or something. Or maybe he could own a toy store. Esme could be an interior designer for people with new houses or want theirs redone. Alice," I continued, but stopped for a short second as I saw him flinch at the name. I suddenly felt bad but went on carefully. "She could be a clothing designer for those real expensive stores. Edward could, I guess, be a pianist or composer or something along those lines. And I don't know what you could do though…" I trailed off thinking again.

"Why thank you, and Rose doesn't own a shop but she works at one remember?" he said, chuckling shakily. We sat in an awkward silence for a couple minutes before I got into a deep thought again.

Jasper was my good friend now, who I like a lot as a friend. I know that we're going to spend a lot of time together in the future, too. But, I wasn't replacing Edward with him, was I? I mean I'm not just using Jasper to cover up the hole that was still there. At least I don't think I was. I sighed to myself and thought more.

Jasper was JUST my friend and Edward had a place in my heart all the time, but I wasn't using Jasper. I actually liked him and not just because he's a Cullen, er, Hale, er, Whitlock. No, Jasper was nice, interesting, sweet, brave and cool person. I liked him for genuine reasons.

I then realized the time and jumped up in a panic. Jasper, or course, noticed and jumped up, too, unsure.

"I have to go home and make Charlie dinner! And I have homework to do! Ugh, I lost track of time…I;m such an idiot. I have to go. I had a great time and thanks for showing me the library," I said in a rush down stairs. Before I could get to the door, he was already there, holding my coat. I put it on.

"I'll see you tomorrow, right?" he asked. I nodded. "And Saturday?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world. Do you have anything planned yet?" I asked, hurrying down the front steps, into the snow.

"It's a surprise. Now, go before you're late and get a cold, Darlin'" he said. I nodded and got in my truck.

I waved goodbye as I pulled out of the driveway and onto the road. I drove home as quickly as my truck allowed me. It was only around five so I had time to prepare something small. I got into the kitchen and started on dinner. I made leftovers and mashed potatoes.

As the food was on the stove, I brought down my homework. I sat my book bag on the counter and pulled out my work. About a minute later I smelled smoke.

My book bag caught fire.

I screamed first and then turned off the stove. Luckily, only my key chain was burned. I looked down at it as I put it out. It was the little tiny patch that my grandmother sewed for me when I was only two years old that said 'Bella and Gran.' I let the tears fall, sad that it was my favorite memory of her and now it was gone. I mentally kicked myself for being so dumb. Only half of it was saved and still on my chain, but it looked horrible.

When Charlie got home, he noticed that I was sad. After eating a few bites of his food he finally asked, "What's wrong, Bells?"

I sighed and told him my story. He didn't really know what to do so all he said was, "Oh, I'm so sorry. Be careful next time." I sighed, angry and sad.

I lugged all of my stuff upstairs and got on my e-mail; yet another from Renee.

_Bella,_

_It's great that you're getting out, again. I'm happy for you. I can't wait to hear all about your girl weekend with Angela. I'm sure you'll have a lot of fun! Val said hey and she can't wait for your next visit. I can't wait either! So how was school today? Probably the same as any other day, huh? Well, I gotta go, now. _

_Love you,_

_Mom_

I smiled. Every day when I got her messages, I smiled. She always made me happy, wrapped up in her own little, care-free world.

_Mom,_

_I can't wait for it either, believe it or not. And, maybe Val could come with you and Phil to my graduation this year, or I'll see her in the summer when I visit. School was, of course, boring and nothing exciting happened. Just work, friends, rumors and everything else. When I got home today, though, when I was making dinner, I accidently burned half of the patch Gran made me when I was two, off. I cried but I'm sort over it. I've always been a klutz like that. _

_Love You,_

_Bella_

I put away my homework and shut my computer down. I yawned and got ready for bed. Finally, I drifted off into another restless sleep, full of nightmares and dreams.

I woke up the next morning to my alarm, screeching. I screamed but then realized that I was fine. I sighed in relief and got ready for school.

As I was getting ready to leave, I saw blonde in my peripheral vision. I turned and screamed again this morning to find Jasper sitting calmly in the kitchen chair. I panted, still startled. He chuckled and I glared at him.

"What are you doing here?" I demanded.

"I was hoping to take you to school…" he said, raising an eyebrow. I sighed heavily.

"You could at least give me some warning there," I told him, a little irritated, throwing him the keys to my truck.

"Sorry, Darlin'" he apologized, but I just rolled my eyes.

As he was driving, my gaze wondered over to him. That's when I really looked at him. He looked different today. He looked abnormally perfect and beautiful today. He was different and it gave me little butterflies in my stomach. He must have sensed this and looked over at me.

"Like what you see?" he asked, teasing. I looked away quickly, embarrassed and turning bright red. He laughed. "It's okay to stare, Bella. I AM gorgeous, after all!" he added, teasing more. I stuck my tongue out at him.

When we reached school, I grabbed my book bag and stepped out of the truck. He was already gone.

**UGH! I stayed up to 1am writing this. If I didn't, then I couldn't sleep and then this would kill me! look what you did! Fanfiction gave me insomnia! GAH!**

**So for my hard, sleepy work, REVIEW!**


	6. Beautiful

**Hello my people! Here is chapter 6 I think? It's really bad that I can't even remember…**

I was exiting last period when I walked straight into Angela. I fell back and onto my butt. She laughed and helped me up and blinked a few times.

"Hey, Klutzy. How was class?" she asked in a playful manner. I scowled but answered anyway.

"Boring, as always. What're you doing here?" I asked, curious.

"There was a buzzing in your locker as I walked by. I was just going to tell you in case there wasn't anything in there, you know. But, it's probably just your phone. I guess I'm a worry wart, huh?" she said, rambling.

"Yeah, I bet it was my phone. Thanks," I thanked her, walked towards my locker.

When I opened it, there _was_ a text, which indicated vibrating which caused the buzzing. I opened up the message and it was from the Unknown Cupcake man. It read:

_Hey, Cupcake. Bring some Lilacs to him, today. It's his favorite flower and he's a little pissed. He'll tell you why. Give him time._

I was getting a little irritated, not knowing who it was who was texting me. But, I felt like I could trust him and it felt right. I sighed and told Angela that I'll see her tomorrow.

"Bye, Bella!" she said, cheerfully and ran off to her car. I got in my car and waited for it to turn on. I knew where a flower shop was, so I was happy. It was also winter and it would be hard to get some. I decided to check it out anyway.

When my truck halted to a stop in front of the flower shop, I got out quickly. I opened the door and heard the little bell ring. There weren't many flowers in the store. Only a few Christmas like flowers such as Poinsettias. There was only one bouquet of Lilacs behind the counter.

"Hi, I would like to buy those Lilacs, today, sir," I said, getting straight to business.

He shook his head. "Sorry, ma'am. They aren't for sale. Those were ordered for a Miss Bella Swan. Are you Miss Bella Swan?" he asked quizzically.

"As a matter of fact, I am," I told him.

He smiled and I showed him my I.D. just in case he didn't believe me. "Well, Miss Bella, some man came by last week and ordered them special. There's a card but I don't know what it means."

On the card it read:

_For Cupcake_

_For Jasper_

I smiled to myself. I retrieved the flowers and sat in my truck.

"Thank you," I said to no one, hoping Cupcake-man would see it or hear it. Then I received a text message.

_You're welcome, Cupcake._

I sighed and turned on my truck. This man was mysterious and I wanted to know who he was. He must've seen all this happen because I didn't even know Jasper was here last week!

I soon came to the Cullen household to find a broken dish by the front porch. I gasped and ran to the passenger side of the truck, getting my flowers quickly. Then, I dashed up the stairs and rand right into the house. I found Jasper on the floor, angry and grunting to himself. I didn't know whether to comfort him or to keep my distance.

"J-Jasper?" I asked. He looked up and his expression immediately softened. He must of sensed my fear.

"Hi, Darlin'," he greeted me coolly.

"Are you okay?" I asked, still a little frightened.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine. I'm sorry," he said, staring at the ground, trying to hide the anger.

We sat in silence, no one moving, not sure of what to do. I finally walked over to him and sat down on the ground next to him.

"I got these for you," I told him, setting the bouquet down on his lap. He smiled and smelled them.

"My favorite," he commented, looking at them. I hugged his side and he hugged me back softly. "Thank you. I needed that."

"Are you sure you're okay? I mean, there's a broken dish and you looked pretty angry," I said.

"I just- I-I-he-just-UGH!" he growled in frustration. I patted his back and he looked at me. "Why do you bother to come over here?" he asked, finally.

I thought it over. "Because I enjoy spending time with you. There's nothing else to do either. And you've always been my brother…so why not?" I answered. His face lit up.

"After…after your birthday…you still think of me as a brother?" he asked.

I nodded. "Sure. We've been over this. It's your instinct and you couldn't help it. I understand that. I'm not mad."

He shook his head, chuckling. "Only you, Darlin'. Only you." I stuck my tongue out at him. He chuckled again.

We sat in silence, letting him think. I began to wonder about Saturday. What could he plan? It would probably be something big. Like maybe he was taking me to the space needle in Seattle. I hope not because that's just too expensive. Maybe he was just taking me out on a nature walk or to some fancy restaurant. I didn't care where he took me, as long as we were together.

Wait. That didn't sound right. I liked Jasper, but he was just my friend, er, brother. Yeah…yeah just friends. I wish I could read minds…to see what pissed him off, or just to see what he was thinking. It must be interesting, because his expression showed how hard he was concentrating. It made me curious and a tad bit worried. He looked at me, then.

"Worry? What are you worried about?" he asked, quickly. I flinched because he startled me.

"Uh…just wondering what you're thinking about. I'm worried about why you're so mad," I told him truthfully. He looked at his knees, in front of his face, and then got up. He helped me up and took me over to the kitchen.

"You're hungry," he stated. I shook my head, stubbornly. Then, my stomach growled and I nodded at him. "What do you want?"

"Oh, Jazz, I can make something. You don't have to. Here," I said, grabbing the frying pan from him. He stole it back.

"No, Darlin', I'll cook. You sit," he ordered. I sighed and nodded, knowing that I was fighting a losing battle.

He ended up making me and omelet with the works. I thanked him and ate it up. I decided to only have some crackers for lunch, so I was hungry today. When I finished, I realized that Jasper disappeared. I went to find him.

I looked in each room of the first and second floor. He was nowhere to be found, so I went up to the library. I opened the door, slowly. He wasn't in here, but I saw something mysterious. I went over to a desk to find the notebook full of poems Rosalie wrote, open.

How could Rosalie have written this if it was open and a poem was still being written? Then it hit me. Rosalie never wrote these poems, no. Jasper wrote them.

I walked around to the chair and sat down. I read the one that he was working on. It was so beautiful.

_I look at you and can only see,_

_My love, my life, my Eternity._

_With you there is no end,_

_Let's hold each other, our love to tend,_

_In this chaotic world of ours,_

_One thing is for sure in my heart,_

_You finish the circle throughout my life,_

_Like a never ending fire through the night,_

_Mystic colors swirl 'round,_

_Only for you will they die down,_

_Keep me on your mind and in your thoughts,_

_What we have, my love, cannot be bought._

I guessed that it was for Alice, knowing that he missed her terribly. I missed Alice, too. She was my best friend, my sister. I let the memories swirl around in my head and let the tears fall. I set the book down and saw Jasper standing right in front of me. I looked up at him.

"I miss her, too, Darlin'," he said, helping me up. I hugged him, ruining his shirt. I missed Alice…and Edward, and Esme, Emmett, Carlisle and even Rosalie. "I need to talk to you," he told me, pulling me to one of the couches.

I sat down and was listening, once I controlled myself. He took and unnecessary breath.

"This is about _him_ if you want to listen," he started. I nodded. "Okay, well, he called today. He said he saw some of Alice's visions. He saw me with you. He thinks I don't have control, and that I should stay away from you. But, Darlin', I have control! I do, I promise. Don't be scared."

I shook my head. "Well, he also said leaving me was better but that didn't work out, now, did it?" I asked rhetorically. "I know you have control, Jazz. And I'm not listening to him, no matter what."

He smiled and then the smile turned into a frown. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"How come you lied to me about the poems? They're beautiful and you should be damn proud of yourself!" I yelled, smiling. He smiled back.

"I didn't want you to think I was girly…or you know…" he trailed off.

"No, Jasper! They're so beautiful. I love them!" I said.

"Sure…" he said, raising an eyebrow. I raised one at him and he chuckled.

"They really are cool, Jazz. I think you should be a poet or something. I would read _all_ of your work," I told him as a matter of fact. He smiled and thanked me.

"Let's go do something," he said, spontaneously. I smirked.

"Like what?" I asked.

"Like…I don't know. What do you wanna do?" he asked, back.

I thought for a minute then checked the clock. I really wanted to do something fun, but my time was limited and I had work to do at home. Maybe I could be just a little late…

Jasper sat there, staring at me curiously. I shrugged.

"How about we go rock climbing?" he asked. I shook my head.

"I'll fall, you'll show off your fancy-shamncy super abilities and I don't like heights much. Sorry…" I said. We got back to thinking when it came to me. "Jasper!" I exclaimed.

He looked up. "What?"

"I got it! Let's go for a ride on your motorcycle. You asked me that first day and I said another day…well it's another day," I told him. His face lit up as he grabbed my hand a little too tight. He pulled me all the way downstairs and into the garage. He pulled off a cover to a new Harley Davidson 2009 Fat Boy. It was blue and It looked like a thing that a Cullen would ride.

I called Charlie and he told me he already ordered pizza. Jasper got on and I got on behind him. He turned it on and revved the engine. I smiled humbly at the sound. I hugged him from the back and he tossed me a helmet. After I put it on, he slowly backed out of the drive way and onto the road. The road was never busy or had any traffic, so speed wasn't a problem to him.

He sped down the road, wind blowing my hair. His hair was blowing in my face, letting me smell the honey flavor. I looked out and saw how fast we were actually going. I let out a scream of joy and happiness, letting the wind and sound consume me.

Finally, he pulled over to the side of the road. I got off the bike as he followed. Jasper held out his hand and I eyed him suspiciously. He waved his hand once more and I took it, still unsure. He led me through some trees and a small forest. I hit a few branches, but remained okay. Finally, he let go of my hand. I was disappointed at first, but then I saw the scenery.

"Woah…" I said. I looked at it once more. I was truly astonished.

I stood in front of a huge pond with some ducks and fish popping up now and then. It was so beautiful. Then, to make the scene even more gorgeous, the sun showed itself and reflected off the water, making it shine even brighter.

I looked at Jasper to smile, but froze as I saw him sparkle. I stared for a couple seconds and then regained my thoughts.

"Beautiful," I commented.

"Me? Or the lake?" he asked, smiling now.

"Both…" I told him. His grin grew. "Where'd you find this?" I asked.

"See that exit from the pond over there?" he asked, pointing to an end of the pond. "That's the river in our backyard. This is where it begins. And over there," he pointed to another end. "That's where it comes from. This is where I go to get away, you know?"

"Wow, Jasper. This is amazing. Can we come back on a picnic sometime?" I asked. He smiled.

"Sure, Darlin'. Sure," he trailed off, looking at the pond, too.

Sadly, I had to get home and do some chores. I sighed as I got back on the motorcycle and Jasper pulled into the Cullen house.

"Bye, Jazz. See you tomorrow!" I called, leaving. He waved goodbye and I set off to my house.

When I pulled in, I grabbed some pizza and went up to my room. I checked my e-mail and found another from Renee. It was mainly about her and Phil. I wrote back and shut off my computer.

As I was working on homework, my mind wondered back to Saturday. What _would_ Jasper plan? Maybe, he would take me for another ride. I was hoping that we could go back to the pond because it was so beautiful. Just like Jasper.

I snapped out of my thoughts. _Jasper is beautiful…_ I thought. _But he's my friend._ When I thought friend, it didn't seem right. It was like it wasn't the right word.

_Brother?_ I thought. It didn't seem right either. I don't think I had any feelings for Jasper, and I didn't wasn't to find out. He was supposed to be my…friend, and nothing more.

I couldn't deny that I wanted more, but it wouldn't seem right. UGH! I growled and pushed my text book against my desk. I was officially confused.

**I don't own Jasper's poem. It is strictly Gabriel Lombard's called My Eternity. And Jasper didn't write it, nor did I.**


	7. Fighting Faith

**Well first, thank you for the reviews and favorites! You guys rock.**

**A lot has been going on but I 'm honestly trying to get these chapters up so give me a break.**

**AND PLEASE read this first paragraph.**

Life. Is. Confusing.

That's how it always is for me. Everything is confusing and I need time to figure it out. But maybe that's the reason it is confusing. Because you're not supposed to figure it out. Maybe you have to go follow your senses and go out on a limb, and try not to understand it, but just take it in. Maybe it wasn't meant to be understood and was made to take chances, confused.

I guess that made sense. Maybe I should just let what I feel, feel. I can't deny anything anymore because I knew the truth, no matter how many times I tried to push it away or cover it up.

I had feelings for Jasper and I am going to accept it. I couldn't help what felt but it truly sucked. I hated that I liked my ex-boyfriends brother! It felt so wrong but yet so right.

Today was totally different for me, now that my feelings decided to make their appearance. I felt like I was excited and nervous to see him again. What if he sensed the emotions? Would he reject me? I don't think he would, but I don't know.

"Bel-la! Hello? You there?" Angela practically yelled. I snapped out of thought and got back to eating my lunch. I shook my head quickly and blinked a few times, then smiled.

"Oh, sorry. I was just…thinking…" I told her hesitantly. She eyed me.

"You've got something on your mind right now. Something big!" she exclaimed.

"No, not big. Just…stuff, you know?" I tried to cover up, but failed.

"Nuh-uh, Bella. There's something going on that you're trying to hide. Are you okay?" she asked, curious and worried. I looked away and tried to find something to stare at. Angela only tapped my shoulder, forcing me to look up at her. I sighed heavily and took a bite of my pasta.

"Yeah, Angela. I'm totally fine. Don't worry about me," I said, still unsure. She smirked and sighed.

"Whatever, Bella. Don't tell me. But I'm always here because keeping things bottled up is unhealthy. Remember that I'm your _best_ friend and you can tell me anything. Even if-"

"Jasper Hale is back in town, alright? That's what's on my mind!" I yelled, letting her get what she wanted. She knew me too well that I couldn't keep things to myself like this.

"I knew there was something going on. Ugh, lunch is over. We need to talk soon!" she yelled, frustrated.

"Well, I don't have much time to tell you…can't we just skip 5th?" I asked, hopeful.

"Bella, you know I don't like skipping!" she pleaded. I sighed. "Ugh! Fine! We'll go for a ride or find somewhere to sit. Let's go little miss delinquent."

I laughed and retrieved the keys from my pocket. We headed to my truck, acting as if we were in a Mission Impossible movie. We ducked and rolled and ran all at once, laughing, too. Once we made it to the truck, we started it up and drove. I knew where we were going.

We ended up stopping at the pond Jasper showed me. Angela loved it, of course. I sat down on the hard ground, holding my knees.

"So, what has you so…so…not Bella-y?" she asked, giggling.

"Well, it all started on Saturday. I went over to the Cullen house, trying to find closure. It didn't work out too well, obviously." I told her everything that happened on Saturday, detail by detail. Then I told her of me and Jasper's after school meetings. She knew almost everything about him, except the vampire parts.

"So, Jasper writes poetry? And rides a motorcycle? Woah, that's, like, really cool," she commented. We sat in silence, letting the information sink in. "Wait. Is that the reason you've been acting weird?"

"No…" I told her. She gave me a look that said 'explain.' "So, since Saturday, I've never really knew Jasper. He was just one of the guys in the back, you know? One of the outsiders. So, since we only had each other to talk to and hang out with, we got to know each other. He doesn't have Alice anymore, so I guess I'm just his shoulder to cry on for now…"

"And?" she asked. I hadn't got to my point yet.

"And…I think…I think I like him…" I told her, sadly.

"Well, yeah, I mean, you got to know him. You like him now," she told me.

"No, Angela. I meant like…like…I _like_ him. As more than a friend. But I can't tell him that. He is obviously still madly in love with Alice and I just got over Edward. It doesn't seem right. It seems like I should be punished for having these feelings. I hate it so much…"

She thought it over. "Bella, it's normal! He's your rebound guy! You'll get over him, trust me. And if you don't then just follow your heart and it will tell you what to do. I follow mine all the time…and now I'm with Ben."

"But Ben is so less complicated! Humans are so easy to get!" I yelled in frustration. Whoops. Should not have said that.

"So what? Jasper suddenly isn't a human?" she asked jokingly.

I sighed. "No, but it feels like the Cullens are these almighty beautiful gods!" I sighed and pouted.

"Mhm…well, Bella, I think that you're just having a rebound crush. It's nothing to be worried about. If you really like him, you'll just follow your heart, as I said."

"Sure! I just wish we things were simpler, you know?" The wind was growing heavy. There were now few snowflakes falling and that meant we had to leave. Besides, last period was coming up soon.

"Angela, we better get going…" I sighed and got up. She followed and we walked back to the truck. The wind was becoming heavier and heavier. It felt as if a storm was coming, but I thought nothing of it.

As we sat in the truck, driving, Angela broke the ice. "So, since Jasper's back…is he coming to school?" she asked. Oh no.

"Um…not our school. He…uh…he-uh takes…online classes. Yeah, because he wants to keep his being here private. And you can't tell anyone Angela, anyone!" I told her.

"Okay! I won't. I won't tell a single soul. Promise," she promised. I sighed and pulled into the school.

"This was such a rush, Bella. We _have_ to do it again," she said, excitedly. I giggled and grabbed my bag.

"Well…maybe if you weren't such a stickler for the rules, you'd do it more often," I teased. She stuck her tongue out at me. I stuck mine back out at her.

Last period was a drag. It was just gym and I trying to avoid everything in it. A few tennis balls hit me, a couple bruises formed and long bathroom breaks were made. I didn't really feel like participating, nor did I ever.

Eventually, the period ended. I rushed to my locker, knowing that I could see Jasper sooner. I grabbed my book bag and almost ran to my truck. I felt like a weight has been lifted since I told Angela. Once everything was gathered from my locker, I rushed to my truck. I excitedly turned it on. Then I realized that it was snowing extremely heavily. I just needed to get to Jasper's quicker.

As I was driving, my phone started to ring. I pulled over and picked it up. I ended up chatting with my mom for about five minutes. I told her I had to go, but before I could, my phone died. I totally forgot to charge it last night and now I was really mad. I pushed the thought away. Then it hit me.

The road was covered in snow and I couldn't get back. I was stuck.

It seemed like fait was telling me that it was my time. I was stuck in freezing snow, my phone was dead, my truck engine was just barely working and I had no way out. Maybe it was my time. Maybe I was supposed to die this very day. It seemed right. But then, an idea may have saved my own life.

"HELP! HELP! HELP, I'M STUCK!" I yelled. A human wouldn't hear me, but a vampire would. I buttoned my coat and got out of the truck, pulling it tighter around myself. I stumbled toward the road, walking slowly down towards where Jasper's would be.

"HELP! HELP! I'M STUCK!" I yelled, once more. Then I had a new idea. "JASPER! JASPER! HELP! PLEASE!" I screeched at the top of my lungs. Maybe if I screamed loud enough and clear enough, he would come.

"SOMEBODY HELP ME!" I yelled. Then, my voice cracked and I started to cough. I knew I couldn't yell anymore. "Jasper…come…help me…" I said to nobody.

"Darlin'! Come here!" I heard someone yell. I turned and Jasper was coming at me with a huge blanket. I clung to it as he picked me up. He ran to the truck and gathered my stuff. He started to run at amazing speed, leaving my stomach in the dust.

We quickly reached the house. He brought me inside and wrapped me tightly in the blanket, laying my body on his lap. He cradled me carefully.

"Darlin', Bella, Sweetie, what were you doing out? I wasn't expecting you to come because there's a blizzard warning. I doubt we'll be able to get you back to your house tonight," he told me, hugging me to him. I clung to his chest, afraid of letting go.

"I'm sorry. I was hoping to get here before the storm got horrible. What do we do if I can't get back?" I asked.

"Well, you'll most likely spend the night, school will be cancelled and you and Angela will work something out," he told me reluctantly.

"Well, I have no clothes for tomorrow…" I started.

"You can borrow some of Esme's old clothes and pajamas that she left, or some of mine," he answered.

"I have to have a cover story for Charlie," I said.

"Tell him you're at Angela's and got stuck while telling Angela to cover for you," he said.

"And Saturday?" I asked.

"Is still planned out and ready for action," he said, smiling. We sat in a prolonged silence.

"I told Angela about you…" I finally said.

"And?" he asked.

"She said it's okay…" I didn't want to tell him about the crush thing. It would ruin our friendship and he was all I had left to remember of the Cullens. He was my best friend, my brother…my crush.

"I see…" he responded, unsure. I nodded, trying to assure him.

We spent the rest of the afternoon, looking out and checking to see if the snow was clearing up and it wasn't. Soon enough everything became intense.

"You're feeling intense," he told me.

"I know. You should be, too."

I was trying my best to stare him down, but it wasn't working. I forced all of my emotions onto him. It was working well, because he was trying his best not to look away.

My grin grew wide. I then said the victorious words.

"Go fish."

He sighed and picked up another card. We continued the game, having the most intense moments, waiting for each other's answers.

Finally, I reached for my phone. I had the same brand of phone as Jasper, so our chargers were the same. I picked the charger out of the plug and turned it on. There were four missed calls from Charlie.

I called the station. He picked up.

"Bella! Thank God! There is a blizzard!" he almost yelled. I laughed.

"I know. I was on my way to Angela's and once I got there we were practically snowed in. School's probably cancelled tomorrow and I doesn't look like it's going to clear up soon, so can I stay here tonight?"

"Sure, Bells. I was just checking on you. I'll call you tomorrow. Love you," he told me.

"Love you," I responded. We hung up and I picked up the blanket on the sofa. I wrapped it tightly around my body. I knew I had to call Angela.

"Bella?" Angela asked. I smiled to myself.

"Yeah. Hi. So tomorrow it's going to be really cold and hopefully the snow will die down and the city will have it under control," I told her.

"Yeah, probably. Are we still on?" she asked, hopefully.

"Yeah, we're still on. And I was just checking in because I told my dad that I was staying at your house. I'll tell you absolutely everything at dinner tomorrow. Just cover for me, okay?" I asked.

"Okay. But, before I _do_ cover for you, where are you?" she asked.

"Again, I'll explain it all tomorrow, but I'm at Jasper's for the night. I have to go now. Bye!" I said cheerfully.

"Bye, Bella," she said and hung up. I turned to Jasper.

"So, what do you want to do?" I asked, excitedly.

"How about we watch a movie. You can pick," he told me. I happily skipped over to the, now, small DVD collection.

I found the perfect movie to watch.

"Got it!" I yelled. He was curious, now.

"What'd you pick?" he asked me.

"Moulin Rouge. It's sorta old, but I _love_ this movie!" I told him, cheerfully.

"Ah, I like this movie, too. Honestly, it's actually pretty good. So, let's watch it," he said. I put it in the player and plopped down next to him on the couch. Everything felt right. I felt like it was the world I've always dreamt of. Except, Jasper was Edward. Oh, how I missed Edward.

As the movie was starting, everything went pitch black.

I screamed. Jasper hugged me close.

"Shh, shh, shh! It's okay, it was probably just a power outage. I'll take care of it, Darlin'," he assured me, suddenly leaving. I felt cold and alone, collapsing on the spot where he sat. I picked myself up and wrapped myself up.

I decided to get up and try to feel my way around, into the kitchen and get some food. As I was walking, I felt Jasper grab my arms and pull me back playfully.

It all happened so fast, then.

He pulled me back and my arm scraped against the sharp counter. My sleeve ripped and my arm cut. The blood dripped down my arm and I sat there, still. I turned slowly and looked at Jasper. He was tense and still, never moving, never looking at me.

His eyes were pitched black, pained and I could almost hear the venom dripping in his mouth. I didn't move an inch. We sat like this for what seemed like forever. Finally, he said something.

"I'm sorry," he said, and ran out of the room as fast as possible. I walked carefully over to the counter and wiped off every drop of blood possible. I cleaned everything up and decided that it was time for bed. I went upstairs and wrote a note by my pillow.

_Jasper,_

_I'm sorry for being this careless. I will leave tomorrow morning as soon as I can. Sorry, once again._

_Bella_

I knew he wasn't coming back. He was hunting and possibly avoiding me. I wish I wasn't so clumsy.

I let myself fall into a deep, restless sleep.


	8. Near Death

**Hi. **

**So thank you all for the reviews and favorites and alerts! This story is coming along great. Though every time I try to update it's always at one a.m. on a Saturday morning. I really don't have that much time but I'm trying!**

What the hell?

I woke up, groggy and confused. I was in my own bed and not in the one I fell asleep in. So many questions flooded my brain.

Where was Jasper? How did I get here? When did I get here? Why is my truck outside?

I got out of bed and saw my phone, in the charger, on my desk. I picked it up and turned it on. There was one missed call from Jasper. I pressed the call-back button. It went straight to voicemail so his phone was probably off. I sighed and put the phone down.

As I walked into the bathroom, something wasn't normal. There was a post-it on the mirror. I took it off and read it.

_Bella,_

_I understand if you don't want to see me again. I shouldn't have let myself slip like that last night. I'm sorry. I'm still at my house, but I'm not sure if seeing me right now is the best thing. I hope you can forgive me, and I'll possibly see you in the future._

_Jasper_

That was just crazy. For one, it was my entire fault and he shouldn't be blaming himself! And second, even if it was his fault, he doesn't have to go excluding himself from me. It seemed too stupid. It seemed like…

Like he was leaving.

I ran to my room and grabbed my phone and keys. I dashed to the door, putting my coat on along with my hat. I didn't care if I was in my clothes from yesterday; I just knew that I had to get there. Fast.

As I pulled my door shut, I glanced at the gas I had left. It was on 'E'. I growled and got out of the truck, throwing my keys down. The questions all came in again.

How was I going to get there? Is he even there now? Should I call someone for a ride? Should I walk? It's still snowing and the roads are still being plowed.

I couldn't get there by car but it was a long walk there.

I started to jog in the direction of Jasper's, hoping not to slip. I needed to tell Jasper that I was fine, that I still love him, and that I still want him here. If I was going to do that, I needed to get there, no matter what the cost was.

The cold was getting to me, slowly freezing me. Maybe I could do what I did yesterday. I could just call him and get him here. If it were only that easy!

I kept jogging, plowing through the snow, soaking my jeans and freezing my face. I couldn't let Jasper think of himself as such a monster! It was insane and all my fault. I now didn't care what I had to do, but I knew I had to get to him, before he did something drastic, before he left or before anything else.

My feet were growing heavy and tired. I was starting to slow down and eventually, my feet and legs couldn't take it anymore. I wanted so badly the strength to keep moving, but I couldn't. I fell on the cold, white ground, tumbling onto my butt. I leaned up against a big block of ice. Then, I hugged my knees to my chest and tried to savor all the warmth I could muster up within myself.

"Jasper, I'm so sorry…" I whispered to no one but myself. I knew, at this rate, that I had been fighting fate long enough, and it was my time. I let the tears flow down my frozen cheeks.

I didn't get to say goodbye, I didn't get all my feelings out, and I didn't live the way I wanted. My slow, cold death was approaching along with the many regrets I had.

I closed my eyes when I realized I still had a chance! I still had one chance of life and a chance at winning the battle against faith. I had to yell my loudest.

"HELP! I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME!" I yelled into the oblivion. The Cupcake-man had to hear me. He just had to. "TELL SOMEONE! TELL JASPER! SAVE ME PLEASE! PLEASE DO SOMETHING!" I let more tears fall. "If you can see me or hear me, stranger, please help me. If you see the future I need you to do something. Tell Jasper everything, if I die. If not, call him or something. Please…" I pleaded.

My phone buzzed repeatedly. It was the Unknown Caller. I smiled.

"Hell-hello?" I stuttered.

"Cupcake! You're still alive. Thank God," the man said. He had a heavy southern accent. It was also a man. Then he hung up.

"Hello?" I yelled. He was gone. I guess he was just checking on me. Nice man, he is…for a stranger.

I then felt something within me and saw my life flash before my eyes. All of the memories appeared, letting me know that these were my last moments on earth. I gulped.

"Edward, I love you," I said, making sure those were my last words. I always loved Edward and always will. I needed those to be my last words ever said.

I squeezed my eyes shut, letting the black overtake me. When it did, I knew it was over. I knew I was gone.

Suddenly, I woke up and it was spring time. I was the Cullen mansion, looking around. It was quiet and dark. It was most likely night time. Then I looked around; all of the shades were closed, creating a dark room. Then I heard her.

"She's in the dining room!" yelled a cat-like voice that I realized was Victoria. I screamed. I knew I was going to die, but I had to run anyway, hoping someone would save me. "GO!" she yelled. Then I heard an army of footsteps climbing down the stairs. There were many vampires, chasing me. I ran towards the front door, hoping to get out.

When I looked out of the front door and windows, all there was, was a huge white light. I was guessing that it was the outside bright light. So I kept running towards it. I grabbed the door handle but was pulled away by a man. Victoria was suddenly on top of me yelling.

"Bella! Look at me! Look at me!" she shouted. I shook my head furiously, refusing to take a look at her, keeping my eyes shut.

"Look! Bella! Bella! Please!" she was pleading now. There was something off about the way she was talking. So, by instinct, I looked up.

Jasper was holding me, squeezing me. I was in shock. I was in my own bed, in his arms at my house, wrapped in a towel and many blankets. (**I will explain if you don't get it at the end of the chapter)**

"Darlin'! Bella! Oh my God. You're awake! Thank God. Are you okay?" he asked. I took a deep breath, and nodded. He hugged me to him, tightly. I reached my arms out and hugged him back.

"What were you thinking? You could've died! Darlin', please, _please_ be careful. You scared me to death back there," he scolded.

"Sorry, I'm sorry," I apologized. "Let me sleep," I told him. He nodded and rested me on my bed, while I drifted into a dreamless slumber.

I woke up and it was around twelve. Jasper was by my side, watching me. I was now fully conscious and aware. I was truly grateful of Jasper saving my life. I reached out and pulled him into a tight hug with all of my might. He hugged me back.

"Thank you so much, Jasper. Thank you for saving me. I was so stupid and I'm really sorry. I caused all of this! I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," I repeated over and over again.

"Bella, I think we need to talk. I'll get you some water," he told me and was back within five seconds with a glass of water. I drained the cup quickly and sat up in my bed. I felt surprisingly happy and alive. I felt different.

"Jasper…I'm so sorry. I should've been more careful. That cut was my fault. I know how hard it is for you guys. I'm so sorry I put you in that position."

"No. Darlin', it was my fault. I should've hunted, I could've had more control. It was my fault. I shouldn't have left you that night. I just am so sorry. But, I think we need to tell each other our stories."

I nodded and proceeded to tell mine. "Well, I went to bed that night after cleaning myself. I felt horrible. Then next thing I know I'm mysteriously in my room again. Then I got up and found your note. I panicked because I thought you left me. I knew how bad you felt and I knew I needed to see you and make things right. So I got in my truck and tried to see you. Well, my truck was out of gas, so I needed to walk. About a quarter of the way there, my feet were killing me and like my whole body, they were frozen. So I sat down and let death take me. I screamed," I don't want him to know about Cupcake-man yet. A little more time was all I needed. "I hoped you heard me. Then before you got there I drifted off into my near death," I told him. I continued and told him my dream and everything.

"Darlin', I'm so happy that you did all of this to help me, but I think you could've been smarter. Well, here I go."

I nodded and he told me everything that happened.

"I ran out of the house to get rid of the thirst, because I couldn't take it anymore. When I got back, you were sleeping. I found your note and thought that you wanted to leave. I didn't know that you were doing it for my sake. So in the morning around eight thirty, I ran you back along with your truck.

"I left your note and went back to my house. I thought about everything. I was so sad and just sat there. Then an hour later, I heard you yelling. I felt the panic and distress. I followed your scent and found you. I would've thought you were dead, but I heard your heart beat.

"So I ran you back here. Your heart rate started increasing, and I thought I was losing you. I then tried to wake you up and once you did, well, you know the rest."

We sat in silence, not speaking or thinking. Finally I spoke up.

"Jasper, when I was going to see you, I was going to tell you that it was okay and I didn't want to lose you," I told him. He looked up at me with a distressed expression. I sighed and got up, pulling him up with me. Then I made him sit on the bed, while I sat on him. I hugged him close. He hugged me back, lightly, unsure. I sighed once again.

I began to talk again. "I was also going to tell you that no matter what happens I will, still, always love you…" I made sure he knew that. All was silent again.

I was guessing he didn't know how to respond. I felt like a complete idiot.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I shouldn't have said that…" I apologized. It was still the first time I said I love you to anyone except my family, Edward, and Alice. I never talked with Jasper like this.

"It's okay, Darlin'. I'm okay. I'm not uncomfortable. I just don't know what to say. I'm shocked, really. Even when your life is at risk every time I see you, you still seem to care for me. It blows me away, Darlin', it blows me away."

I felt emotions like never before. I was happy, excited, hopeful, and a whole tidal wave of emotions.

"Darlin', calm down. You're driving me nuts with these crazy emotions you're having," he told me, laughing.

"Well, God, Jasper. Sor-ry! It's not my fault you're a walking mood ring!" I yelled back playfully. It was nice.

We laughed for a bit. We also talked and had a good time. This was shaping up to be a great snow day. Around three, we finished watching Moulin Rouge. I was so content and happy with Jasper here. It felt as if…as if this is my place.

"So, Bella. How are you?" he asked.

"You would know, Jazz," I answered. His warm smile returned, making my stomach do flips. I looked directly into his eyes, now. They were the most beautiful shade of topaz. They seemed to glitter and shine. I felt lost in them, when suddenly Jasper cleared his throat.

"Oh!" I yelled, startled. He chuckled.

"What were you looking at?" he asked. He knew the answer; he just wanted me to say it. So I did.

"Your eyes. They're so pretty, you know that?" I complimented.

He rolled his eyes and smirked. "Whaaatever, Bella."

"So, Jazz," I approached.

"So, Darlin'," he retorted. He was defiantly, purposely dazzling me right now. He knew all too well.

I sighed. I would never win. "What are we doing tomorrow? You got me extremely curious," I told him.

"It's a surprise. You'll love it. Just be sure to wear warm clothes tomorrow, okay?" he assured.

"Yes. Because in December, I'm going to wear a tank top and shorts," I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes. He rolled his too. I never joked with Edward like this and it was different, which made me happy.

We sat there, just enjoying each other's company. I wish sometimes, that this was Edward and I could be enjoying this time with him. But I liked Jasper because he was different and it was the kind of different that I liked.

"Well, Darlin', I should be going. You have an important date to get ready for," he declared, winking. I giggled a bit.

"Ok…" I said, not knowing what to actually say. I didn't want him to leave. "I guess I should go start getting ready."

"What time can I come get you tomorrow?" he asked. I thought about it.

"Anytime's fine," I retorted. He nodded.

"I'll come get you around nine then, if you don't mind?" said, making it sound like a question.

"Yeah, I'll tell Charlie tonight and I'll be ready. See you tomorrow, Jazz. I can't wait!" I said excitedly.

"Me either, Darlin', me either," he waved goodbye and exited my house.

"Well, time to pretty myself up," I said to myself.

I walked up to my room to find that I needed a new wardrobe because the clothes I had didn't seem right. I dug through the piles and decided to take a break and get a shower. This was going to be a long night.

**Okay. Well you know to review. **

**MCR FANS! MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE FANS! Okay now that I have your attention. If you have been following the website, the twitters and their Facebook, you know what's going on. If you don't I suggest you figure it out. I've been there all day and it's really fun. If you see this and actually go, say "The Moofinator sent me!" Thank you.**

**And the Victoria thing. I got the idea from BlackBoxTV. Basically, Bella was dreaming in her mini coma and Victoria was chasing her. She was running toward the white light hoping to get out but what she didn't know was she was running to her own death. Then the 'look at me' part was Jasper screaming it to Bella but in Bella's mind, it was Victoria.**


	9. The Date

**Ok. Hey. So um yeah how's it going?**

**Enough small talk. Thank you guys for the reviews. You all rock my socks…well flip flops. **

**I might become a beta but I'm wondering if anyone would be interested in being my beta. Message me if you want to. Enjoy!**

"Ugh!" I groaned. This was the fourth time I tried getting the knot out of my hair out. It's been sitting there for awhile but after pulling and yanking, I eventually got it out.

I ended up wearing a simple light blue shirt, brown jacket, jeans and black flats. I looked decent enough to go out. I could almost hear Charlie's excitement in the other room. He was so happy that I was actually going out. I was too.

Angela had always been one of my best friends and I could really trust her. I knew that I loved her like a sister and could go to her for anything in the world which made me happy.

"Dad, I'm leaving now. I'll see you around eleven?" I said, making it a question. He nodded.

"See you. Have fun, Bells!" he said, joyfully. I gave him my best smile and walked to my truck. Once I was in, I turned on the ignition and checked the clock. It was 5:40 and I was going to be early. At least I wouldn't keep Angela waiting.

As I was driving, I came to a realization. I had about eighteen days to go shopping for Christmas presents. I had little money saved up, but it was just enough for my family and Angela. I _needed_ to get Jasper something. Maybe I could work overtime, or do some extra work at the soup kitchen or the orphanage. No, that was too selfish of me because that should be volunteer work. I would still go though.

Before I knew it, I was at the restaurant, and Angela was parked in front, waiting for me. I got out of the car, grinning and walking over to my best friend. She was smiling, too, obviously happy to see me.

"We have a lot to talk about," I stated. She nodded.

"Yes, we do. Let's get inside, it's starting to snow," she said. I agreed and walking in, waiting for the waitress to get us a table.

Once we were seated, Angela ordered her drink and I ordered mine. We sat in silence for a couple seconds, not saying anything. Finally she spoke up.

"So, Jasper…" she approached.

"Yeah. He knows that you know. He hopes that we can maybe all hang out one day," I approached, too.

She nodded. "Go on. What about yesterday?" she asked.

"Yesterday, right. Um, well, I need you to listen before you can say anything, okay?" I asked.

"Bella…" said Angela. She knew this was going to be bad. "Fine."

"Okay, well, I go to hang out with him every day. I was going yesterday and it was snowing hard, remember. Well I was stupid and went to see him anyway. Then, I got a call but my phone died after I pulled over to the side of the road," I started. I told her of my idiocy and how I had to spend the night. Then I and Jasper had a 'fight.' I couldn't tell her about the cut. I told her of how he took me home in the morning and I was sorry so I walked to his house which was still stupid. I told her how I was stuck again and how he found me and took me back to my house.

"Are you done?" she asked. I nodded. "Idiot! I cannot believe that you were that stupid, Bella. I mean, really? Ugh, are you okay?" she asked.

"I'm fine, thanks," I replied, just as our food came out.

We ate in silence, enjoying our food. It was nice, warm and delicious. I liked this; Angela and I, being friends and having fun. I don't know why I never did this before.

"So, can I ask a favor?" I asked her. She looked up, eying me.

"Yes?" she asked.

"Jasper wants to take me out all day tomorrow, just me and him. I can't tell Charlie, though. He'll flip out, knowing that one of the Cullens is back. If he calls you tomorrow, just say I'm fine. Please?"

She thought about it. "Okay. But you _have_ to call me when you get back. I just want to know that you're fine." I smiled.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I thanked her. She giggled and continued eating.

"So, Bella, what movie are we seeing?" she asked. I didn't really know, honestly.

"I don't know. Anything you wanna see?" I proposed.

"Actually," she started, "I want to see that one about the demon girl. I know it looks scary but, it looks really good."

"Then we'll see that!" I amended. She smiled and finished her dinner, as did I.

"So, what are you doing for Christmas, Bella?" she asked.

"Probably a day with Charlie. I might go see Jasper and you. I probably will," I said, thinking about it.

"Oh." We didn't say much.

"Did you go shopping yet?" I asked, hoping she didn't.

"No!" she moaned. "I haven't got the time. I've been so busy with school, Ben, the volunteer work and all. I made sure I was free tonight, which was hard."

"Well, I haven't gone yet, either. I lost track of the dates that I didn't know Christmas was this close. I knew it was December, but not the seventh!" I mentally kicked myself for not getting that planner I saw at the store, one day.

"I know! At least _you_ understand. It's so hard. I don't wanna be the one shopping on Christmas Eve, buying all of the leftover, crappy presents."

"Me either…" I agreed. "Hey, maybe we should plan a whole day for us to go Christmas shopping. That way we could kill two birds with one stone."

"That's a great idea!" she agreed, as the check came. "I'll pay. I want to treat you tonight," she said.

"Oh, Ang, please don't. I can pay myself!" I groaned.

"If you pay, I'll be insulted," she stated. I shut up and let her pay, happily.

Afterwards, we got in our cars and agreed to meet up at the movies. It was currently 6:45 and I'm sure 11:30 was a little while after the movie got over.

I met Angela at the theater, finally. She greeted me and we walked up to buy tickets. The scary movie we were going to see was about to start and we were going to get popcorn.

I felt good, getting out and hanging out with my friends. I knew I could trust Angela with my life, unlike Jess, and would love her forever. Jess was more of the 'if-you-tell-me-everything-I'll-pretend-to-understand' type. If I told her what I told Angela, the school would most likely think something completely opposite of the truth.

"Angela, how long is the movie?" I asked. She glanced at me and then back at the counter.

"'Bout an hour and a half. Why?" she asked. I did some math in my head and figured we would have almost three hours after words to do whatever.

"Well, I was thinking of stuff we could do when the movies over," I told her. She nodded.

"Ok. Well, do you want extra butter, or no?" she asked.

"Extra butter," I replied. She nodded again and made her way over to the butter machine. I sighed, bored and exhausted. I had one hell of a week.

Finally, we got into the theater, sitting down about four rows from the back.

"So, Bella, any ideas of stuff to do after the movie?" she asked. An idea popped into my head.

"Do you maybe wanna go see Jasper? He would probably love company other than me. I think you guys will get along great!" I suggested enthusiastically. She smiled.

"Sure, that would be cool. I actually can't wait to see him," she agreed. I smiled internally, knowing that the darkness in my life was slowly subsiding.

The movie was gruesome and of course scary. I jumped a few times and had to hide my eyes. I was defiantly not seeing this again. In the middle of the movie, I couldn't take it much more. I hid my eyes well and didn't watch until the sounds calmed down.

When the movie was finished, Angela and I left the theaters, talking about the plot.

"I've seen worse," I said.

She became wide-eyed. "Bella? There is no worse! It's impossible!" she almost yelled.

"I've had accidents worse than some of the things in that movie," I tried to tell her.

"Oh, puh-lease!" she moaned. I chuckled and followed her to our cars.

"So, are we going to Jasper's? It _is_ eight-thirty and I'm not sure he would want people over…" she trailed off.

"Oh he's fine. Trust me. I don't even think he sleeps at all!" I joked. But I wasn't really joking which made it funnier to me.

"Whatever you say, Bella. Show me the way!" she smiled and hopped in her small compact car as I jumped in my truck. I started the ignition and soon realized there was a note on the passenger side seat. It read:

_Cupcake, _

_You need to stall. Puddin', over there in the other car, doesn't know about him like you do. He's currently hunting and you need to hold on for about twenty more minutes._

I growled. I should thank him, I guess. I wish Jasper didn't need to hunt. Then, I thought of a plan.

I hopped down from my truck and Angela rolled down her window. She looked slightly concerned.

"Bella? You okay?" she wondered. I nodded.

"I think I left my bag in the theater," I tried to lie. She looked confused.

"II thought you came out with it," she stated.

I shook my head. "I guess not because I can't find it. Can you come help me?" I asked. She shut off her car and got out.

"Sure. Where did you last have it?" she started.

"The theater. I hope no one took it…" I was doing great! I never knew I could be this good at lying…

"Ok, well let's both go back then…" she agreed and we started to walk towards the building. Once we got back to our theater, we searched our seats and the seats around us. I checked the time. Twelve minutes to go.

"Hey, I'm going to go to the bathroom, okay? I'll meet you back here," I told her.

"Okay. Don't be too long though. I kinda want to get going," she replied. I nodded.

"Okay." I was now, off to the bathroom, going through the door and into the small stall. It always smelled in here and I knew I wouldn't last long. I had to last just long enough though. I sat in the stall, thinking of a way to stall for about…eight more minutes.

I eventually got out of the stall, went back to the theater and Angela was gone. I looked around and spotted her way back in the parking lot. I was puzzled but I had to go to her.

"Angela?" I asked when I finally reached the parking lot. She was glaring at me.

"Your bag was under the passenger seat," she simply stated.

"Oh, it was? I probably didn't see it…" I tried to hide. She bought it.

"You're so blind sometimes," she joked, finally smiling and chuckling. I checked my phone. I had five more minutes left.

I had to think fast or else I don't know what would happen. I started to think but it wasn't doing me much good. I sighed.

"Angela…do you have to go to the bathroom before we leave? It's kind of a long ride there…" I trailed off. She looked like she was thinking it over.

"I guess I do…" she said. I sighed of relief.

"Well, while you go, I'll call Jasper." She understood and nodded. Angela made her way to the bathroom, leaving me behind. I got in my truck.

"Okay, Mister, do you see the future or something? And who are you? Why are you watching _me_? I would like to know!" I waited for a response.

Nothing. I growled. I had to ask again. "Well, are you going to tell me? Or are you going to cower?" Maybe if I antagonize him long enough, he would give in.

"I know you're there! Just answer me please!" I tried pleading but no answer came.

"Fine. Then if you won't tell me what's going on, then I'll do two things. I won't listen to what you say anymore and assume that you're having a gay relationship with Jasper," I said, smirking. I sat in the truck, in silence. Finally my phone buzzed.

_Calm down, Cupcake. I can't tell you much, yet. Give me time and I will. You have to listen to me though. And I am not gay nor is Jasper. Now, go to his house with your girlfriend and stop making yourself look crazy._

I growled then sighed. "Well, if I can talk to you like this, then I will. And I expect you to be here when I need you, okay?"

I started my truck and rolled down the window. Angela was waiting patiently, smiling.

"Can we go now?" she asked. I nodded.

"Follow me," I told her. She nodded and got in her car.

Once we were on the road, I decided to talk to Cupcake-man.

"Well, sir, I bet you know everything that I told Angela and that I like Jasper. I bet you know a lot about me. All I'm asking is to please not tell Jasper. Let me do that and let me take care of myself."

I didn't have much to say. I knew I could rely on this man for a lot and he would most defiantly help me. I was just so confused and wondered who this man was, why I trusted him and why he even bothered with me. It all seemed so surreal.

We were reaching the house soon enough and I knew I was in earshot of Jasper. I decided to fill him in.

"I'm coming to visit and say hi. Angela came along, too. I hope that's okay." I knew he heard me. We pulled into the driveway of the enormous garage. Angela was already out of her car.

"WOAH! He lives here? This is so big and just, wow!" she was shocked and amazed. I chuckled in agreement.

"Yeah, he's defiantly a Cullen, er, Hale," I told her, chuckling to myself.

"Well, let's go in," she said, walking towards the house entry. I was grinning, knowing this would be fun.

I walked straight into the house not even knocking. Jasper was on the couch, casually watching TV. I smiled at him and he returned the gesture.

"Hi, Bella. Angela," he greeted politely. Angela was grinning.

"Hey, Jazz. What are you doing?" I strolled to the living room and Angela followed, sitting on the couch next to me.

"Just watching the tube. How was the movie?" he started to make small talk.

"Pretty good. So, you know Angela and she pretty much knows everything. I had to tell her, I'm sorry," I apologized.

"Don't be. It's nice to have other people here than _you_," he joked. I stuck my tongue out at him. She chuckled lightly.

"So, I hear you take online classes," Angela made herself known.

The rest of the night was spent talking, joking, watching TV and having fun. It was approaching eleven, now. Jasper walked us outside, like a gentleman. As I was getting my keys out of my pocket, I dropped them in a pile of mud. I groaned and bent down to pick them up. In the process, I accidently flung mud at Jasper. There was a little spot on his shirt, now.

"Oh, so I see how it is," he laughed. He bent down and picked up another glop of mud, flinging it at me, and hitting Angela.

"Jasper!" Angela yelled. Now we were all giggling and laughing. Angela bent down and picked up another handful of mud. She threw it at me and Jasper.

Next thing I knew, we were in an all-out mud war. I was laughing as everyone's clothes were becoming dirty and muddy. The slushy mud was running down my hair, into my back and all over. It felt disgusting.

When we finished, I went into the house and grabbed a towel to put on my car seat. Jasper was grinning.

"Not funny, Jazz," I commented. He snickered.

Once I was home, I was questioned by Charlie, took a shower and got in my comfiest pajamas. Once I was in bed, I almost immediately fell asleep.

Tomorrow's events were yet to come.


	10. AN

**I would just like to tell anyone who follows this story that I am taking a break from writing it. **

**I do not know when I will post again but there are a lot of personal things to come first. I'm sorry but I will pos again before the end of 2010. **

**Again I'm sorry and thank you for reading.**

**Look Alive,**

**Annie.**


	11. Roller Skates

**Ok. I know I've been gone and I'm unbelievably SORRY! But my laptop was recently stolen along with the WHOLE STORY so I had to rewrite everything. I shouldn't have taken a break in the first place. Again sorry. Now, I'm getting new chapters out as fast as I can. So give me a little time. All I'm asking. **

**So without further or do, new chapter!**

I woke up to my alarm blaring and yelling about.

Today was my date with Jasper. I had little butterflies filling my stomach. We agreed that he would pick me up at nine, so I had a while.

For the beginning of the day I got dressed in some jeans and my red sweater. It was simple, yet elegant. To pass the time waiting, I sat down and started to write down some ideas for what to get people for Christmas.

Before I knew it, it was 8:30. I jumped up out of my seat and ran to the bathroom. While brushing my hair, I brushed my teeth. Finishing , I got my jacket and hung it on the coat rack. By now it was 8:55. I sighed impatiently waiting for nine o'clock to come.

When it did, I heard a few knocks at the door. I smiled as the butterflies majestically returned. I opened the door to see a smiling Jasper. I smiled with him.

"Hey!" I greeted him cheerfully.

"Well, hi, Darlin'," he greeted back. I grabbed my coat and put it on as he opened the door further.

"Shall we go?" I asked.

"We shall," he amended. I walked outside to find his Mustang parked in my driveway. I put on the my seat belt as he got in. I smiled and giggled. I was so excited for the day to start.

"Where are we going first?" I asked as he began to pull out of the driveway.

"You'll see!" he cheerfully replied.

We sped down the long road, hair whipping back and forth from the wind. The top was down, so I felt the wind go crazy. When we finally stopped, I took a look around. We were at a local pancake house and I could smell the deliciousness from here. I smiled as Jasper took my hand and guided me through the small parking lot.

"You don't mind watching me eat?" I asked guiltily. He shook his head.

"Not at all, Bella." I didn't question him or push the subject further. I just wanted to enjoy some food for the moment.

"So, Jazz, tell me, why was it exactly that you left…the…Cullens…" I tried to spit out. It was still very difficult.

He sighed. We sat down at the table and I ordered. "When Alice had that vision that sent me away, I had no purpose there. Sure, they were like my family but Alice was the only reason I stayed. I loved her. She was my everything. For her to just leave and not want me anymore…I didn't _want_ to stay there."

I sat in astonishment. How could Alice do that? My sister! Could she not see how much this man had cared for her? And to just leave like that? I felt so horrible for Jasper. I just wanted to go over and hug him.

"I am so sorry. That is a terrible thing she did." Our food came and I took a bite of my pancakes.

"What gets me is that I _know_ it was wrong. And if she _is_ drinking from humans," his voice hushed now, "I would still take her back any day of the week. I may not let it show but, Darlin', it pains me deeply when she isn't with me."

I held back the tears in my eyes. My level of respect shrinking for Alice as Jasper told me this. I sniffled and finished my food without a word. I had nothing to say. I was still so shocked and hurt myself.

When he paid, we got up and walked back to his car.

"Jasper before we go can I tell you something?" I asked warily.

"Anything," he replied. I took a deep breath.

"Well…I want you to know that I'm not Alice. I don't have her essence or her personality at all. I'm just Bella. I know you miss her, because I miss Edward. And I know you're not Edward, either. We may be different from our partners that we miss so much, but I'm here for you. I won't leave you like she did as long as you want me. I promise," I finished. He needed to know that I wouldn't do that to him.

A smile spread across his face. I smiled with him, gingerly.

"You don't know how happy I am to hear that Darlin'," he told me. I smiled even bigger.

"Well we must go to the next place!" With that, I hopped in the car after Jazz and held onto his hand. I felt the vibrations coursing through my body from the motor. I was so happy now.

Jasper sped away from the quaint little pancake house. I let the wind rush through my hair. Soon enough he was stopping and turned off the car.

"Jasper Whitlock. I cann_ot_ ice-skate and you know that very much!" I scolded him.

We were at The Ice Palace in Seattle; where Edward tried to drag me a few months ago. I would fall in about point two seconds here. That was a fact!

"I know _you_ can't, but, I _can_," he answered. I was still confused and he sensed it. "I am going to ice skate and try to teach you. This is more for my fun than yours but you'll love it!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. Don't expect me to smile, though!" I warned him. He chuckled and headed toward the building as I followed.

Once we got inside, I took a good look at the floor. It was big, full of people and most likely easy to fall on.

I sighed. Jasper noticed.

"Oh, Bella, it won't be that bad!" he exclaimed. "Look, you can hold on to me and I'll guide you, as long as you want, ok? I won't let you fall."

I didn't fail to notice the double meaning. He sounded sincere, but then again, he was one of _them_. They're sneaky, tricky and plain evil geniuses when it comes to pranks.

"Fine. Get me some skates, I'll wait over there," I told him as I pointed to a bench a few yards away. He nodded and went to the counter. I walked over to the bench and hoped I wouldn't have to skate. Unfortunately, I did.

Jasper came back with two pairs of skates. I groaned as I put them on. I saw him roll his eyes.

"So dramatic, humans are!" he joked. This time I rolled my eyes and he chuckled.

He stood up no problem. Great. I stood up (or I tried) and fell over immediately. He smiled and help me stand. Eventually I got my balance and made my way to the other skaters. I was extremely nervous and Jasper knew it so he tried to calm me, unsuccessfully.

"Calm down, Darlin', you'll be fine," he told me. It only made me groan horribly.

Once I set foot on the ice, my foot slipped and so did I. Of course, Jazz caught me and I didn't bother to move, leaving me sitting in his arms.

Strangely, I didn't mind nor did I even want to leave. He smelled so beautiful like honey and flowers. His touch made little butterflies come visit my stomach. I filed those thoughts away and stood up, holding his hand. I felt like I was grasping it so tightly and he didn't seem to notice.

I shot Jazz a pleading look but he just smiled and pulled me out to the ice. I glided along, staying stiff and unmoving. He laughed and I looked up annoyed. He held my hand and moved to where I had to move or fall. I stared trying to skate like a roller skater and it was so similar! So easy!

"Well, Darlin', looks like it's not so horrible after all, huh?" he laughed. I stuck my tongue out and he rolled his eyes.

We skated for about twenty minutes, while I held his arm and only fell three times! I eventually became thirsty and we exited the floor and he ordered me a Coke at the concession stand. As I waited for him to come back, a man approached my table and leaned on my seat, facing me. He had black, short hair and a young face. He looked about twenty five or so.

"Hello, gorgeous," he greeted me. I blushed.

"Hi," I smiled. He smiled back.

"So what's a pretty girl like you doing alone in a silly old place like this?" he asked, obviously flirting with me.

"Skating…with my brother." I stressed the words to make it clear that I wasn't alone.

"Brother, eh? Well, how about you come hang out with me, get away from the family?" he proposed.

I acted as if I was thinking about it and then answered, "No, thanks. I'll just wait here. But thanks for the offer…"

"Excuse me?" I heard a golden voice intrude on the conversation.

Smiling, I saw the man look up at Jasper. He didn't seem intimidated, until Jasper _really_ looked him in the eye. Then, the man started to look a little worried. I almost giggled at the sight.

"Yes?" The man answered. "Who are _you_?"

"_Me?_ I'm this pretty little lady's brother. Now, if you don't mind, I don't want any trouble so…" Jasper then gestured for the man to leave.

The man grunted and stomped away, leaving his stink behind.

"So I'm your brother now?" he asked, half-joking.

I rolled my eyes. "You always were my brother, Jazz." His eyes lit up.

"But…Bella. How can you think of me as a brother after what happened at your party? I mean, that must have done some effect on you. I was monstrous and my act was completely uncalled for."

"Jasper, lets please forget about the birthday. Forever. As of now, it is a thing in the past, and can't be undone. So let's move on because I always have and will love you and consider you my brother. Okay?" I assured. When I said brother, though, something inside me didn't feel right.

His smile widened. Maybe he will finally begin to forgive himself. I hope so…

"Okay, Darlin'. Okay. Now, here's your promised Coke," he introduced and shoved the cup toward me. I sipped it for awhile. We sat there, not talking, but looking at each other. I felt happy. I felt content. I felt excited, calm, sorrow, jealousy, want, _need_, sadness and lust, all at the same time. Mostly, I felt confused.

"What…?" he began to ask. I knew he was very confused about all the random feelings.

"I'm a teenager, Jazz. Just forget about it." I tried to be calm and content but the other emotions kept coming through as I sipped my Coke. I kept staring at him.

"Bella, you hormone ridden child," he chided. I smirked.

"Jasper, you walking mood ring!" I shot back, giggling. I was using this as a new name for him, obviously to amuse myself more than he.

We sat in silence again. I stared at him and thought of how perfect life would be if we continued being like this. I felt the ache, knowing it was highly impossible. I never stopped thinking and it seemed like it went on forever as we just looked at each other.

I hadn't even noticed when I finished my soda.

****

All in all, the skating rink was fabulous.

I never imagined that I could have a good time again, without _him. _I had so much fun, letting Jasper just let me be me. I felt happy again. I was now positive of two things.

I was getting over…Edward. I was finally starting to move on. I had a sense of happiness and redemption within myself. It felt simply amazing.

The second thing was another story. I knew that this was wrong, but, I was starting to develop feelings for Jasper. It wasn't love, but I do like him. This was starting to make things hard, but if I ignored it, I would be fine.

Within time, I figured that Jasper would get me back up on my feet and get me off to college. Then, he would go off and possibly redevelop feelings for his true mate, Alice. We would visit and greet each other as old friends and I would go on in my life. It pained me to think of this now, but it's what would happen.

I sighed ad glanced over at Jasper who was currently driving us to our next location. He glanced back.

"Whatcha' thinkin' about so hard, Darlin'?" he asked.

"Nothing important. Just…stuff. Any hints to where we're going next though?" I asked. He chuckled.

"Nope. Sorry." He kept his eyes back on the road. I sighed.

With Jasper, every day was a surprise. It made our visits exciting. I never got bored and I always came back smiling, laughing even. I felt like maybe moving on wouldn't be so hard.

Of course, I still love and miss Edward. There would always be a part of me that would love him. I knew that and I accepted that. I think everyone did. I looked out of the window and watched the trees pass by. It reminded me of the times he would run through the forest, the whole world whizzing by.

"What's wrong, Darlin'?" Jasper curiously questioned. I didn't want to tell him, so I sat there, quiet.

"Bella?" he asked again. I kept my mouth shut, hoping he would leave me alone. I knew if I opened my mouth, I would break.

"Bella, Darlin', I don't wanna play these games. Please answer me before I go insane." I gave him a response alright.

I turned my head and looked at him, as he stared at me. But I didn't really look at him.

I looked _through_ him. Almost.

I was blank, emotionless, trying to stay strong and let the sorrow pass. It didn't . He sensed this.

"Bella, please, tell me! What's wrong?" he was now frantic. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I look at him again.

"I miss him. I miss how it used to be…" my voice broke on the last few words. I started to sob and tear up. He pulled over and we sat on the side of the road.

"Bella," he scooted over and hugged me. I hated myself now.

"I'm…sorry…I ruined…our day…its…all…my fault!" I sobbed.

He cooed me and held me, letting me get it out.

"Bella, Darlin', its fine. I know you're having a hard time still. You'll be okay. You didn't ruin our day, sweetness!" he tried to calm me.

"I did! I'm being pathetic. I'm so s-sorry…" I hated being weak.

We sat there for a while before I finally started to let up. I stopped crying and looked at Jasper. He sighed.

"I failed…" he said.

**Well. That was it. After all this time I'm back. And again SORRY! I feel horrible.**

**Anywho…**

**Review my lovelies!**


	12. Building Back Up

I was now confused, horribly. He failed? Was this some kind of test? Was he using me? I became enraged at these thoughts but pushed them away, hoping to get an answer. When he did answer, his voice sounded broken and hurt.

"Bella, don't be sorry. Please. I failed. I was the one who should be sorry. Your pain…is unbearable to me. Please, Darlin', feel better…" he sounded pained. This hurt me even more.

"What are you going on about?" I asked. I was confused about this. He didn't fail. At anything. He was a vampire. Are they even _allowed_ to fail at anything?

"Bella, I failed a personal goal. I feel like I am now, at least…" he started. "It was to help you move on after everything my family caused. I wanted today to be special to you, so you would forget about Edward for one day. One day to _you_. A day that you could enjoy without pain and be happy. I obviously didn't do that. I couldn't keep you preoccupied so you would forget for a while. This is my fault."

I was shocked. _His_ fault? This is _my_ fault! If I hadn't of been…if…if…oh!

"Jasper don't you even _dare_ to blame this on yourself. This is_ my_ fault! If I wasn't such a baby holding on to the past, I would have been fine. It was inevitable. Just, let's forget about it?" I honestly wanted to go on to whatever surprises he has made for me without ruining them too.

He sighed. "Let's forget about it." I was instantly happy.

We started driving once again and were suddenly in the forest range. I was almost worried but I ignored it.

"Can you _please_ tell me what we're going to do in a forest?" I was utterly puzzled.

"You'll see!" he was excited, I see. This made me suspicious. I stared at the road ahead, thinking.

Today was not about Edward. It was not about the Cullens. It was not about anyone except me, Jasper and our happiness. I tried to remember that. I loved being with Jasper. And today felt like it should go on forever. I wish it would. We've only been out to eat and skating but it was just fun.

The feelings I had with Jasper were genuine. I didn't ever bother to lie to him or force myself to do anything. I felt like I could be me and no one could make me be someone who I wasn't. And get this.

This is the first time that I was _happy_ that I didn't have Edward here.

This thought absolutely thrilled me. I have never been happy about him not being with me. Ever since I met him all I wanted was to be with him. Now, I didn't care. I felt proud of myself. This was definitely a step in the great moving on process. I knew Jasper felt my happiness because he was smiling.

"What're you so joyful about, Bella?" he asked. I smiled.

"Just this. Being here. Not having a care in the world. I feel at peace," I told him. I felt even happier saying this aloud.

He chuckled, "Well, I'm glad, Darlin'."

We finally stopped on the side of the road and he got out of the car. I was now confused and unsure of what we were doing. He strolled to my side of the car and opened my door.

"We're going on a picnic!" he shouted gleefully, opening the trunk and pulling out a huge basket.

I groaned. A picnic? While he can't eat?

"Jasper…this is going to be boring for you!" I whined. He chuckled.

"Bella, nothing is boring when you're with me," he replied.

I know it seemed wrong, but when he said that, I had butterflies in my stomach. Suddenly I was embarrassed. He must've ignored that because he didn't act like anything was wrong.

We went into the deep forest until we reached a cliff that overlooked what seemed like an ocean. It was beautifully big and open and free. I was amazed at the scenery, looking all about. He seemed to notice that.

"It is amazing isn't it, Darlin'?" he commented. I smiled and let the wind rush through me and around me. Then I shivered realizing the temperature and the season we were in.

"Here," he pushed a blanket towards me. I smiled and thanked him, letting the warm, thick, soft blanket surround my body as I sat down next to Jasper.

"So, Jazz, what's for lunch?" I asked eagerly. He chuckled at this.

"Well," he began, opening the basket full of food that I know I wouldn't finish. "I have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or a ham and cheese if you prefer. I also have Doritos, a Twinkie, some brownies, an apple, watermelon, Ritz crackers, a banana and a few Oreos." He seemed satisfied with his choices.

I gaped at him. All this? For me? Well, at least I won't starve. I let out a huff of air.

"Jeez, Jasper! Did you bring enough?" I asked sarcastically. He made a face.

"Well, I wasn't sure what you'd like, so, I packed a variety." He grinned again. I rolled my eyes. Over-achiever.

I grabbed the ham and cheese sandwich from the pile of food that was sprawled out over the basket and blanket. I unwrapped it and took a bite. Of course _Jasper_ would make an amazing ham and cheese sandwich. Of course he would. He smiled again.

"Do you like it?" he asked, anxiously.

"How could I not?" I replied. "No one has _ever_ done this for me. This is awesome. Thanks!"

He let the happiness and gratitude sit, while I silently finished of my sandwich. Then, I looked around and took a brownie from the pile and started to nibble on it. Then a thought hit me.

What on earth was he planning for dinner?

I guess he sensed my worry because his face scrunched up at me.

"Why are you worried, Darlin'?" he questioned.

"Oh, just wondering what you're planning for dinner if lunch was this good." He seemed suspicious.

"It's a surprise," he told me. I groaned internally. Everything is a surprise! Everything! I looked at him again. He didn't seem to notice this.

He was staring at my lips, what it seemed. He was watching them intently as I ate my brownie slowly. I stared at his eyes, and the intenseness of his stare. It made me wonder what he was thinking. I must've seemed to stop sensing the world around me because I was caught in his honey eyes. I didn't move; I just watched them. Then they moved to my eyes.

Surprisingly, I didn't blush, but he didn't look away. We just stared at each other, waiting for someone to do something. I was fixed on the color of his eyes and how they almost glistened to me. The butterflies returned to my stomach instantly. It felt like we were in our own world and nothing else existed but us.

Then my phone beeped and interrupted us.

I heard a faint growl from him as I blushed. I checked my phone. And can _anyone_ guess who the text was from?

The Cupcake man, of course!

**Just to annoy you. Have a good day! **

I sighed and looked at the sky. "Jerk," I muttered.

"Me?" I heard Jasper wonder.

"No, Jake was just texting me...nothing important," I assured him. It looked like he bought it.

Then I remembered what the text interrupted. I was furious with myself. How could I have feelings for Jasper? It had only been a week! He was my brother! He was my sister's husband! I can't have feelings for him at all! This was insane! I groaned at myself and took a deep breath.

"You okay, Bella?" he wondered. Ugh! That voice! It was so….No! Stop that, Bella!

"Yeah, just thinking. Anyway, I'm pretty full. So shall we move on to the next activity?" I asked, hoping he'd forget this.

"Then you'd better hop on my back, because I don't quite feel like walking all that way again." I nodded. He grabbed the basket and I hopped on. I grabbed on to him for dear life as he sped off.

I couldn't help but think of how nice this felt, being on his back. How I had this crazy unidentified feeling whenever I was with him. It made everything better, somehow.

Before I knew it I had to hop off his back, and I visually got sad. He chuckled.

"You know, Bella, we have to talk tonight," he said, walking toward the trunk and popping it open.

The blood drained from my face.

Oh no. He was going to tell me that my feelings were wrong. He was going to tell me that he doesn't like me. He is going to be disgusted with me and leave. He was going to leave me because I like him and it was wrong. I knew this was coming, one day.

It has only been a week and I had developed small feelings for Jasper, my _brother_. And now, he was going to leave me to go back to Alice. This day was mostly just him saying goodbye to me in the _Cullen_ way.

"Calm down, Bella. It's nothing bad. Can we just forget about it until tonight?" he asked hopefully. I nodded, not able to speak. "Good."

There was a small range of hope in my head. It was hope that made me believe he was going to stay. Though, I was almost sure that this was it for us. I would go back into the zombie state I was in and try to pretend like this week never happened. I had to try to stop caring about him now.

I mindlessly got back in the car and put my seat belt on. Jasper started the car without a word and immediately drove off, leaving our picnic spot behind.

I watched the trees speed by again. God, what was I going to do when Jasper left? Who was I going to be able to be myself with? I could never fully tell everything to Angela. I would have to cope the best I can. I already started to miss him. This is so hard.

"Bella, please, Darlin', what is making you feel this way?" he pleaded. I sighed.

"Just…Jasper…it's...nothing. I'll tell you later…" I tried to hold back the tears, restraining them from falling.

"Bella, I can't let you feel this all day…please, tell me!" he was now begging. I didn't want to ruin this day anymore than I already did.

"I'm fine," I declared irritably. "Forget about it. Let's just move to the next surprise," I said sternly.

"Alright…" he said. He left it alone until we reached Port Angeles. He then helped me out of the car, shut my door and grasped my hand.

"Pottery?" I asked. He smiled. Creative; almost exquisite. I looked at the sign and giggled at the corny titl_e _that had little to do with pottery.

"Well, I figured that we could be a little productive today. Maybe you could cover Charlie or Renee's Christmas present here. I thought you might enjoy it, considering that it's peaceful and you do like art, right?" he was still unsure whether I would go for this or not.

"I love art. This seems fun. You know, I've passed this place plenty of times but never got the chance to go in. I'm kind of excited," I assured him. He sighed in relief. I wonder why he worried so much about me.

We strolled into the small shop, taking a look at the colorful walls filled with pots, plates, bowls, tiles and other various clay-made, colored items. It was like a rainbow that seemed to brighten your day whether you wanted it to or not.

We sat down at one of the tables and a middle-aged woman sauntered over. She looked directly at Jasper, and Jasper only. I became a tad jealous.

She asked what we were planning on making, what colors we would like and how much clay we would need. Jasper answered politely, and the woman stalked away, going to retrieve everything we would need. That's when Jasper glanced at me.

"So, how do you like you're day so far?" he asked, eagerly. I glanced at the clock. It was only one o' clock!

"It's pretty good. I'm having loads of fun. I can't wait to see what we've got in store next. It must be fun, considering _you_ planned the whole day," I said, trying to make him sound fabulous.

"Well, I'm flattered, Darlin'," he commented. I grinned at him. Then the woman came back with our supplies, taking her sweet old time.

She reluctantly strolled away, back to her office I suppose, leaving me and Jasper alone.

We sat in silence, just making our own clay creations. I settled on making a pot, being barely successful. It was simple, round and short. I thought it was pretty good for a first timer. I was so wrapped up in making the pot that I had completely forgot about Jasper sitting there.

I looked up at him. He was staring at me, contently. A mad blush spread over my whole face as I let my eyes stare in to his honey, golden ones.

We didn't need to talk to know what was going on. There was an unidentified connection between us that we shared. Whether it was romantic, sibling, friendly love or whatever. There was something there, though. I knew he felt it. How could he not?

Just then, wet, squishy clay splattered everywhere as the pot hit the floor. I mentally cursed. Jasper chuckled, taking his eyes off of me and picked up the clay. I helped him, feeling bad that we broke the connection.

The woman who worked here must've seen because she came rushing out with some cleaning supplies. She finished cleaning up the mess. I apologized and she just sneered at me.

But, when Jasper apologized, he was forgiven already! I swear, some women just-

"Do you want to start a new one? Or should I finish mine and go?" he interrupted my thoughts.

"You can finish, I'll wait." He shrugged.

"So, I figured that maybe you could pick what we do next. Any ideas?" he proposed.

I thought about it. "Nothing yet. What is there to do around here?" I asked, honestly curious.

"Well, there's a movie theater, paintball range, book stores galore, bowling and an arcade somewhere a few blocks away…" he trailed off.

I instantly knew.

"Let's go to the movies after this. But, I do love it," I told him, matter-of-factly.

"Movies it is. But, you better stay with me because up that way there are a few bad pasts there so just try to stay with me…" he said.

"Alright," I amended.

As he started to move, I slipped off my chair, and headed for the ground. Before I hit, his arms constricted around me and held me up. I looked up at him.

"I try my best to not let you get hurt," he told me. I knew he always tried to keep my safe.

But I couldn't ignore the double meaning.

**Well, that's chapter 11! I hope you liked it, and ready for the next chapter. The bowling scene and others? Well, the next chapter is already in the works. **

**I think maybe you should review and make The Moofinator happy, yes? :D**


	13. Thoughts

We ended up leaving our creations at the pottery place. Mine was a disaster and Jasper didn't show much interest in the whole ordeal anyway. So, I'm going to say that activity bombed. I didn't mind much. I was having so much fun today, besides the scenes I made, uncalled for. Jasper ignored those, tried to forget about them.

"What kind of movie do you think you might want to see, Bella?" he asked. I thought about it.

"I'm not too sure, actually. Not a romance or anything like that," I replied. I still couldn't stand romances. It brought back too many memories; it hurt.

"Ok, well, there's a vampire movie out. It looks really gory but I like to go to see how accurate they are. It's funny to me and maybe to you…"he suggested. It seemed like a good idea. Blood, guts and inaccuracy to vampires. Sounds pretty good.

"Hmm…I guess so. It won't hurt to try…" I trailed off. Why was I so quiet? If Edward and my memories were making me sad and unhappy, I would be furious. I need to let it go.

Jasper then pulled up to the theater and helped me out. I smiled at him. His eyes seemed so inviting and homey to me. It almost made me feel something…extraordinary.

I shrugged off the thought as he grabbed me hand. I felt the butterflies visit my stomach, making me giddy and anxious. He led me to the box office and ordered the tickets.

"Do you maybe want popcorn, candy or soda? Whatever you'd like," he offered.

"No thanks, I'm content without it. But if I want some I'll be sure to let you know," I said smugly. He squeezed my hand, almost making me jump. I narrowed my eyes at him as he chuckled, shaking his head.

He led me to the theater where our movie was going to be shown. We sat down a few rows from the back, never letting go of each other's hand.

I know I shouldn't care about him like this, but it was out of my hands whether I could control it or not. I just hoped that it won't excel into something much more serious. It made me nervous, this feeling of attraction toward Jasper. I know that it wouldn't be fun, leaving him soon. It almost made me sick to think about going off to college alone.

"So, Jazz, I've been curious as to what you do when I'm not hanging around with you…" I wondered. He eyed me.

"Well, I don't do much that's interesting. I write poetry to pass the time mostly ass you saw…" he said almost shy. I grinned.

"That's it?" I asked pushing the subject.

"Well, I read about the Civil War and I hunt but there isn't much to do…I think about you mostly…" he told me. I blushed madly. I knew he didn't think about me in the way I wanted him to, but it was still a hope that I had.

"Oh…" I didn't know what I should say. I didn't want to say something I would regret later. Now he asked me.

"What do _you_ do when I'm not around, Miss Bella," he told me. I looked absentmindedly at the movie screen.

"Well, I go to school…" I started. "I do some homework and I read. I don't do much. I'm quite boring, I suppose." I turned me head so I could look at him.

"You're far from boring, Darlin'," he started to say something else but the movie previews started suddenly. It saved me from further questions that I was sure I wouldn't like answering.

Once the movie started, it dove right into the blood and horror. I didn't pay much attention to it. Half of my attention was on Jasper. I glanced at him. He was watching me.

"What?" I mouthed. He shook his head and shrugged.

I turned my head, seeing as he didn't take his gaze off of me. I pretended to be interested in the movie.

Throughout the film, he didn't look away from me. I wondered why, letting my thoughts drift gradually. I knew it was ridiculous to think that maybe he liked me just a little bit too. I mean, if I wasn't good enough for Edward, how would I ever be good enough for Jasper?

I felt like trying to get Jasper to like me was a lost cause, so I didn't try very often. Of course, I used whatever flirting skills I had on him but he never noticed. I figure that we would stay friends and nothing more.

A shrill scream caught my attention. I stopped thinking and actually watched the movie. It was honestly pretty boring but filled with blood and guts. The storyline was the only interesting thing that kept me into the movie. I almost forgot about Jasper, staring at me.

Then, on the huge screen, something tore me up inside.

"I'll love you forever, Elizabeth," a tall, muscular character promised.

"As I'll love you, Michael," the model-like actress stated. I couldn't stand it. Love. It made me sick inside. It made me long for Edward.

But I didn't leave the theater. I wasn't going to be weak.

I stayed strong, feeling remorse, sorrow and longing. But, I kept my eyes on the screen and let the scene pass, painfully.

Jasper stroked my hand, reassuringly. I smiled at him, weakly. He looked like he pitied me.

"Sorry," he whispered in my ear, suddenly. I cringed away from him. Suddenly I regretted that.

He looked hurt but I just looked at him, sadly. I bit my lip and returned my attention back to the horror movie. From the corner of my eye, I saw Jasper finally watch it too. I felt regret then. I hurt him and it was my fault. I felt like a horrible person but tried to ignore it. It was hard to ignore these powerful feelings. Hard, but not impossible.

The movie seemed to drag on for about another half hour. It was long and gory, especially the climax. I internally laughed at the inaccuracy of vampires in this film. They didn't sparkle, they caught fire. They were humans for the most part. They didn't run fast nor had extreme muscles. They weren't very dangerous. It made me feel smug at how _real_ vampires could kill them in the blink of an eye.

The credits finally rolled, playing a slow, eerie rock song. I stretched my arms out and finally stood up, turning to look at Jasper. He didn't have much of an expression on his face. This made me worry what was wrong. Of course, he sensed my worry and immediately grinned at me. I forced a smile, not too in to it.

"This movie was so horrible. How does anyone sit through that and possibly enjoy it? It's a mockery to vampires," he ranted.

"But they can't know that…" I concluded. He nodded in agreement. We left the theater after everyone else did, trailing along lazily.

"It's about…" I checked my phone, "Three-thirty now. Wow, this day went by so fast! I'm having a lot of fun, Jazz. Really!" I told him. He smiled in satisfaction. I seemed to melt at the beauty of his smile. I was almost weak in the knees. I was ashamed of myself, too. I shouldn't feel this for my brother! Ugh!

"Well, I'm glad you are, Darlin'," he said.

We finally exited the parking lot of the theater. I didn't fail to notice a drug deal going on behind the building. I shuddered, looking away and back to Jasper who seemed to notice the deal too.

"Idiots…" I heard him mutter before revving the engine and pulling out of the lot.

"So, master planner, what is next on the agenda?" I eagerly asked him, smiling.

"Well, we have two and a half hours until dinner, which is scheduled. So, what could we do to kill two and a half hours?" he asked rhetorically.

I could think of a few things to spend two and a half hours on…But it was just a dream, a fantasy, at most. I then, actually, thought about what we could do.

"Let's go bowling. I haven't bowled in ages and it seems like fin, I guess," I suggested. He raised an eyebrow, cautiously.

"Bowling? Bella and bowling? Seems…interesting…" he said, smirking at me. I rolled my eyes and stuck out my tongue. He chuckled.

He started to head to the alley where we would bowl. I decided to strike up a conversation.

"Have you ever thought about getting a job? Now that you're not with the, er, Cullens, how will you make money and live?" I asked curiously. He didn't seem to have known the answer.

"I don't quite know, yet. I figured I wouldn't stay in one place…I was considering becoming a nomad. But, if I do stay here, which I quite possibly might, I guess I'll have to get a job. Like a profession. I'd make good money and support myself…" he told me.

_And maybe me too_, I hoped in my head.

"What do you think about doing?" I asked.

"I'm not too sure, actually. There are many possibilities for a man of my knowledge so I will consider some thongs and dive into a few, seeing where it leads me…."

"Sounds boring," I commented.

He glanced at me and raised an eyebrow. "Why do you think so?"

"Well, spending all of eternity alone. All you would do is work, hunt and nothing much else!"

"Yeah, well, I don't know the future so maybe I won't be alone," he hinted. A pain erupted from my chest. He was hoping to get back together with Alice. I know it! I'd been so foolish!

I had to give up these feelings. There was no chance for us and I just had to face the music. I would never have Jasper. He still loved Alice and a part of me still desperately loved Edward. This is how it would always be. This was how it was destined to be.

And, as of now, I was letting go of Jasper.

I knew it had only been a week. But it only took me a week to like Jasper. I wanted him in a way I shouldn't. I had followed my stupid heart. He had given off so many hints that he didn't return the feelings. So now, I let him go. I didn't think of my future and life with him anymore. I thought of my future alone, or with possibly a husband that was human.

After college, I would most likely be vampire free, too.

"You okay, Darlin'?" he asked me, concerned.

"I'm fine," I replied all too quickly. He ignored it and stopped the car, in the bowling alley parking lot.

Before I could catch my breath, he was already opening up my door for me. I smiled up at him, hopping out of the Mustang.

"I don't know why I do anything with you, like bowling," I told him. He looked at me, almost concerned.

"Why do you say that?" he asked, curiously.

"Because…well…you are good at _everything_. It only makes me look worse than I already am!" I complained. He chuckled lightly. I gave him a flustered look.

"Oh, Bella. How can you be worse if you aren't even bad?" he asked rhetorically. I shrugged and followed him to the building.

The alley looked new and shiny. The walls were a light blue color with bowling balls and pins painted on them. The allies and wood flooring were glowing from the lights. I figured this had probably just been built, seeing as a few groups of people were here and everything looked untouched.

Jasper got our lane, shoes and balls. He walked over to our lane and got us set up.

A bunch of giggles erupted from the group of sixteen year olds a few lanes down from us. They were looking at Jasper, obviously. I felt almost jealous but then remembered that Jasper was just my friend and the feeling receded.

But it didn't stop me from turning my head at the girls and glaring at them wildly. I figured Jasper wouldn't see, so I smiled a bit, showing dominance.

"If looks could kill, Darlin', they'd be ash right about now," commented Jasper.

My eyes got wide for a second as I whizzed my head around to look at him. He smirked. Then, I blushed fiercely in embarrassment, realizing that he had seen this. I felt a little silly, now.

I heard the giggles again, probably directed at me now for my stupidity. I internally growled at them, but showed no interest in them, physically.

Then I received a text message.

I looked at it and it was from the dreaded unknown number. Most likely, the Cupcake Man. I smiled at bit.

**I will call Jasper and make him leave the room. While he leaves, you need to show those girls he is unavailable. If you don't they plan on making a move. Show 'em whatcha got, Cupcake. **

I nodded to myself. Then, I snapped the phone shut and tucked it away in my pocket as Jasper picked up a bowling ball and proceeded to bowl.

Of course, he got a perfect strike.

"No fair!" I laughed. He smiled at me, chuckling.

"Admit it, though, I got skills!" he joked. I laughed even more. I like the silly, joking Jasper. He was care-free and happy. His happiness was contagious.

"Well, let's see my pathetic skills, alright?" I picked up a ball and threw it down the alley, managing to get six pins down.

"That wasn't that bad, Bells," he told me. I rolled my eyes at him, walking back to retrieve my ball.

"Ha! Yeah, right!" I said. He rolled his eyes now.

We played a few frames, joking and laughing about how bad we were or how stupid we were acting. It was now the sixth frame and it was Jasper's turn. He picked up a ball and went to throw it.

Just as he was getting ready to drop the ball, his phone rang.

His aim then screwed up and he dropped the ball in a harsh manner, letting him score only 3 pins. I laughed at him. He glared at me, unserious. He then picked up the phone and I hoped to figure out who the caller was.

"What do you want, Jackass?" he answered harshly. I watched him.

"Yeah well…No!...Alright fine. Hold on," he lowered the phone from his ear.

"What's up?" I asked as he looked at me.

"I have to take this call. I'm so sorry. I'll be back soon though," he promised me. I nodded.

He left the alley with the girl's eyes following him until he was out of sight. I looked at them determined. I received a text.

**Go, Cupcake! Now's your chance. I don't know how long I'll be able to hold him.**

I nodded, hoping he saw that. I then stood up and strutted over to the girls group. One girl with long, black, curly hair looked up at me. She obviously wasn't happy with my being there.

"Yeah?" she said. I glared at her hard.

"I couldn't help but notice that you girls were interested in the guy I'm with," I told them. They just looked at me. "Well, guess what. He is unavailable. So if you think you have the slightest chance with him, forget it."

"Whatever," one girl with blonde hair spoke up. "We'll do what we want and don't come over here, dissin' my girls, got it, bitch?"

I was taken back, ready to get into it. I was about to yell and pick a fight until I felt a cold hand on my shoulder. I looked over to see Jasper smiling at me.

"Let's go, Darlin'," he told me. I looked once more back at the girls and back at Jasper.

We walked out of the alley, leaving the girls behind.

"Listen," Jasper started. I looked at him as we sat in the Mustang. "You know the man who was texting you all this time? Well, it was Peter. He just called. We're going to go meet him and Charlotte at my place until dinner, if that's okay with you."

**Until next time, love.**

**Review if you loved it(:**


End file.
